


Liberosis

by noknockback



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, KONOKOMI STANS ALSO RISE, M/M, YAKUNOYA STANS RISE, all rise for the rarepairs, chatfic, libero squad because theres not enough of these boys and i love them way too much, or is he??? who knows, or will it???, shibayama is resident Baby, tags will be updated as we go, their tags are so starved so why not just write them myself am i right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noknockback/pseuds/noknockback
Summary: liberosis: n. the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone—rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick fleeting interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play.or: the libero group chat no one asked for but i still wrote because i love them way too much
Relationships: Akagi Michinari/Suna Rintarou, Koganegawa Kanji/Sakunami Kousuke, Komi Haruki/Konoha Akinori, Kuguri Naoyasu/Shibayama Yuuki, Nishinoya Yuu/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 53
Kudos: 208
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [eric nyam!~](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895065) by [suijin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suijin/pseuds/suijin). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas/happy ennoshita day! consider this a present for all the people who love the liberos as much as i do :)) i posted something like this back in 2016 but it sucked so here's a new and improved one with only the finest of memes hand picked from our all-natural organic meme farms  
> and you can't put two fics in 'inspired by' but go check out eric nyam!¬ and the spice girls (by beewachan) because i literally live for those chatfics so please give them lots of love!!

**14:30**

noyaoyaoya: GAYS  
noyaoyaoya: *GUYS  
noyaoyaoya: same thing 

birds of prey: i’m bi bitch

noyaoyaoya: s a m e t h i n g

birds of prey: iT’S NOT  
birds of prey: but yes what 

noyaoyaoya: idk im bored

human espresso: you called for us because you were bored?

noyaoyaoya: i mean thats what this chat is for right

human espresso: well yeah  
human espresso: although it was meant for exchanging advice

noyaoyaoya: wasnt it so we could meet up for practice during training camp

human espresso: that, too

birds of prey: don’t you have practice now?

noyaoyaoya: club only starts at 4  
noyaoyaoya: and id go early but theres no one else around :^(

shibayama: Don’t you usually hang out with Tanaka-san?

noyaoyaoya: yeah but ryuu has remedial classes ughhhh  
noyaoyaoya: so i have turned to my bffs for entertainment

birds of prey: you mean your only friends

noyaoyoya: I HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS

human espresso: if tanaka has remedial classes wouldn’t you have them too?

noyaoyaoya: not toda  
noyaoyaoya: sHIT WAIT  
noyaoyaoya: I HAD AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AT 2

shibayama: Isn’t that only for third years?

noyaoyaoya: i think its bc my grades are shit LOL  
noyaoyaoya: ok bye gotta blast

birds of prey: ugh  
birds of prey: guidance counselor  
birds of prey: i hate going there  
birds of prey: every time she’s like “so do you know what you want to do in the future” i’m like no!!!! i don’t know what college i want to go to!!! i don’t even want to graduate!!!!

human espresso: don’t remind me  
human espresso: kuroo’s got his whole life planned out to go into biochemistry and kai wants to study psychology  
human espresso: then there’s me who’s too busy yelling at lev to receive properly with his arms o ut goddammit

shibayama: I don’t want you guys to graduate!!  
shibayama: The third years are all so cool  
shibayama: And it’ll be so lonely here ( >﹏<。)

birds of prey: i’M NOT LEAVING THIS GROUP CHAT   
birds of prey: not even if you gave me one (1) corn chip  
birds of prey: not when my bae noya is here

human espresso: ...your ‘bae’?

birds of prey: ;)

human espresso: …  
human espresso: right anyway  
human espresso: we should add the liberos from other teams   
human espresso: actually didn’t we discuss this like two months ago?

birds of prey: yea but we were like ‘ok’ and then nothing happened  
birds of prey: we can add them under the guise of exchanging advice when we’re actually farming them for memes!!!

shibayama: Farming…

noyaoyaoya: rIGHT THAT WAS WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

birds of prey: farming??????

noyaoyaoya: nOOO i mean add the other liberos  
noyaoyaoya: i got the skype of seijohs libero and hes a Chill Cool Guy lets add him

human espresso: don’t you have to meet the guidance counselor?

noyaoyaoya: sHE JUST ARRIVED BYE

shibayama: I can find out the skype of Nohebi’s libero!  
shibayama: If it’s okay to add him here?

birds of prey: snakessssss

human espresso: it’s fine, i guess

birds of prey: snakeSSSSSSS

human espresso: as long as he isn’t anything like their captain

birds of prey: bIG SNAKE

noyaoyaoya: DID SOMEONE SAY NOHEBI  
noyaoyaoya: SCHOOL FULL OF SNAKES  
noyaoyaoya: HURTING MORISUKE LIKE THAT

human espresso: NOYA

noyaoyaoya: (ง •̀_•́)ง   
noyaoyaoya: gtg she’s glarng at m

birds of prey: so

human espresso: shut

birds of prey: morisuke huh

human espresso: up.  
human espresso: anyway shibayama  
human espresso: you can add nohebi’s libero  
human espresso: and any other liberos you know, as long as they aren’t assholes  
human espresso: like komi

birds of prey: hEY

shibayama: I’ll go ask now!

* * * * *

**18:24**

**_shibayama_ ** _added_ **_WHY ARE YOU RUNNING_ ** _,_ **_homosexuals are GAY_ ** _, and_ **_toyota_ ** _to the chat_

noyaoyaoya: oH yeah

 **_noyaoyaoya_ ** _added_ **_h2o_ ** _,_ **_the frogs are turning gay_ ** _,_ **_prada_ ** _, and_ **_wheres my phone_ ** _to the chat_

prada: WASSUP SLUTS  
prada: wait who are you people

homosexuals are GAY: NAGISA IS THAT YOU

prada: das right

the frogs are turning gay: tsuchiyu-san isn’t that you??  
the frogs are turning gay: who is nagisa

prada: GASP how could you not know nagisa  
prada: my blonde boi  
prada: my baby  
prada: best breastroker in iwatobi  
prada: nagisa hazuki

birds of prey: yea

birds of prey: oh wait nvm

h2o: what is this??

noyaoyaoya: heya watari  
noyaoyaoya: mori u explain

birds of prey: M O RI

human espresso: SHUT UP KOMI  
human espresso: hello this is a libero group chat if you haven’t already noticed  
human espresso: it’s supposed to be for exchanging advice  
human espresso: but obviously not working out

shibayama: Komi-san wants to farm you all for memes!

birds of prey: NOO SHIBAYAMA WHY DID YOU EXPOSE ME

shibayama: (´・ω・｀) 

noyaoyaoya: ok now introduce yoselves  
noyaoyaoya: im nishinoya yuu from karasuno 

birds of prey: ya boi komi haruki from fukurodani

human espresso: yaku morisuke from nekoma

shibayama: Shibayama Yuuki also from Nekoma!

h2o: what up im jared 19 and i never fucking learned how to read

noyaoyaoya: h A

h2o: jk i’m watari shinji from seijoh 

the frogs are turning gay: sakunami kousuke from dateko!

prada: tsuchiyu arata from johzenji aka best school in miyagi :PPP  
prada: nice name btw sakunami

the frogs are turning gay: thanks i got it for my birthday

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: akama sou from nohebi!!!

noyaoyaoya: sSSNAKE

human espresso: YUU DONT

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: hiss hiss mothafucker

birds of prey: YUUUUUUUUUUU

human espresso: one more time and i’m blocking you komi

birds of prey: sksksksks

homosexuals are GAY: SKSKSKSKSK AND I OOP  
homosexuals are GAY: akagi michinari from inarizaki nice to meet yall

noyaoyaoya: yall

birds of prey: yall

shibayama: yall

prada: yall

h2o: yall

homosexuals are GAY: i just want to live my cowboy life……………. and you attack me like this……..

human espresso: @toyota @wheres my phone

toyota: Hi! I’m Komori Motoya from Itachiyama!

prada: ITACHI

noyaoyaoya: oH THAT TALL DUDE  
noyaoyaoya: you know kageyama right???

toyota: Yeah from training camp!  
toyota: Miya Atsumu was there too! He was kind of eyeing Kageyama the whole time.. lol

noyaoyaoya: oshit   
noyaoyaoya: tell this miya guy if he wants tobios ass he has to go through 10 pairs of hands 

toyota: 10? The whole of Karasuno??

noyaoyaoya: tsukki shouyo yamaguchi and yachi  
noyaoyaoya: oh wait thats 8 pairs never mind

human espresso: yuu that’s 4 pairs of hands

noyaoyaoya: eh

homosexuals are GAY: oh atsumu he's so annoying jfc

shibayama: You hate your teammate???  
shibayama: How could you (;o;)

homosexuals are GAY: oh   
homosexuals are GAY: baby  
homosexuals are GAY: you have no idea

human espresso: it’s ok, give him a couple years and he’ll know

shibayama: How could I hate anyone on the team Yaku-san??

the frogs are turning gay: oh you should come to dateko

noyaoyaoya: GO GO LETS GO LETS GO DATEKO  
noyaoyaoya: BEST CHEER

the frogs are turning gay: thanks 

noyaoyaoya: isnt dateko super chill tho

the frogs are turning gay: it’s just futakuchi senpai who’s annoying  
the frogs are turning gay: jk he's cool but can i not call him senpai here  
the frogs are turning gay: he changed my name to this thing  
the frogs are turning gay: i don’t even know what it means????????

prada: it means that these amphibians are becoming homosexual god sakunami keep up

the frogs are turning gay: gucci > prada

prada: YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE

human espresso: i regret this

noyaoyaoya: no u dont 

birds of prey: WAIT GUYS there's still one more person  
birds of prey: @wheres my phone 

h2o: oh that's yamagata  
h2o: his name says it all   
h2o: he's always losing his phone

birds of prey: how do you always lose your phone

h2o: well actually  
h2o: he THINKS he's losing it 25/8  
h2o: but it”s actually his teammates being little shits and hiding it 

the frogs are turning gay: i should do that to futakuchi  
the frogs are turning gay: that’ll be so funny  
the frogs are turning gay: he won’t be able to send snaps to his boyfriends anymore

homosexuals are GAY: ugh boyfriends  
homosexuals are GAY: i want one

prada: wait boyfriends??  
prada: isnt terushima dating futakuchi

the frogs are turning gay: and yahaba from seijoh

h2o: wHAT  
h2o: YAHABA DIDN’T TELL ME HE WAS DATING DATEKOU’S CAPTAIN  
h2o: AND JOHZENJI’S CAPTAIN  
h2o: well at least he isn’t dating shiratorizawa’s captain

the frogs are turning gay: oh no he is

h2o: W  
h2o: H  
h2o: A  
h2o: T

the frogs are turning gay: futakuchi, yahaba, terushima and shirabu are all dating

homosexuals are GAY: FOUR boyfriends i don’t even have ONe 

prada: you can date joe!!

homosexuals are gay: who’s joe

prada: JOE MAMA

homosexuals are GAY: .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that shitshow, there's lots more to come :^)  
> i've got the next few chapters planned out already so expect updates every friday :D  
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!! love yall <33


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soup

**23:15**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: quick compliment me

noyaoyaoya: you have eyes

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok thanks

* * * * *

**15:09**

**_WHY ARE YOU RUNNING_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘is cereal a soup or salad’_ **

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: discuss

birds of prey: SOUP

human espresso: oh no  
human espresso: nonononono  
human espresso: guys please don’t

noyaoyaoya: i need your help can u come here

birds of prey: uhh i can’t im buying clothes

human espresso: w h y

noyaoyaoya: well hurry up and get over here

birds of prey: i can’t find them

noyaoyaoya: what do you mean you cant find them

birds of prey: i can’t find them there’s only soup

noyaoyaoya: what do you mean theres only soup?! 

birds of prey: it means there’s only soup!

noyaoyaoya: WELL THEN GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE

birds of prey: ALRIGHT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME  
birds of prey: there’s more soup

noyaoyaoya: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES MORE SOUP

birds of prey: there’s just more soup

noyaoyaoya: WELL THEN GO INTO THE NEXT AISLE

birds of prey: there’s still soup

noyaoyaoya: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW

birds of prey: I’M AT SOUP

noyaoyaoya: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE AT SOUP

birds of prey: I MEAN I’M AT SOUP

noyaoyaoya: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN

birds of prey: I’M AT THE SOUP STORE

noyaoyaoya: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE

birds of prey: FUCK YOU

* * * * *

**17:03**

h2o: did  
h2o: did you two memorise that whole thing

noyaoyaoya: um of course what else would you expect

prada: teach me sen3.14159

noyaoyaoya: ha

birds of prey: we will bestow the knowledge of memes on you my young padawan  
birds of prey: but first

homosexuals are GAY: let me take a selfie

birds of prey: ,no

wheres my phone: i find my phone  
wheres my phone: first thing i see  
wheres my phone: 163 unread messages from ‘is cereal a soup or salad’

noyaoyaoya: HI YAMAGATA

wheres my phone: hey noya  
wheres my phone: also watari wtf  
where my phone: how did you know they were taking my phone

h2o: i have sources ;)

prada: sauces

homosexuals are GAY: so i’m sittin there  
homosexuals are GAY: barbeque sauce on my titties

noyaoyaoya: AHDHSHSHS

where is my phone: what sauces??????????

h2o: shirabu told yahaba who told me

where is my phone: damn kids 

h2o: WAIT but dont tell him   
h2o: you’re not supposed to know

where is my phone: but my phone

birds of prey: the next time you can’t find your phone ask to borrow theirs  
birds of prey: and then send really embarrassing things to their contacts

noyaoyaoya: NICE 

the frogs are turning gay: you should rename all their contacts  
the frogs are turning gay: change ushijima's name to futakuchi or whatever he has it saved as

prada: why futakuchi tho

the frogs are turning gay: because their convesations are the worst out of the four  
the frogs are turning gay: yesterday we stole his phone when he wouldn’t stop texting and the first thing i saw was  
the frogs are turning gay: “let me facefuck you tonight” “only if i get to eat ur ass after” “deal”

where is my phone: o h mygo d  
where is my phone: i don’t even want to know which one is shirabu

birds of prey: IMAGINE IF HE SENDS THAT TO USHIJIMA AHAHAHAH

the frogs are turning gay: EXACTLY 

where is my phone: fucK that is funny  
where is my phone: holy shit if wakatoshi got a text from shirabu like that 

noyaoyaoya: “fuck me in the ass 2nite daddy ;))))))” 

prada: LMAOO

where is my phone: ok damn i’ll do that the next time i lose my phone

birds of prey: update us!!!!!!

where is my phone: will do

* * * * *

**20:13**

noyaoyaoya: GUYS HELP

toyota: Yes hello!

noyaoyaoya: is pecan a bird  
noyaoyaoya: because ryuu says it isnt BUT I DONT TRUST HIM

h2o: noya isn’t that a nut

noyaoyanoya: a WHAT

toyota: Yeah a pecan is a kind of nut! 

noyaoyaoya: nononono   
noyaoyaoya: this cant be  
noyaoyaoya: this cannot bEE

h2o: beelieve it  
h2o: dattebayo

noyaoyaoya: NO BUT IM PRETTY SURE THERES A BIRD CALLED PECAN??

toyota: Do you perhaps mean toucan?

noyaoyaoya: OH YEAH

birds of prey: LMAO NOYA

noyaoyaoya: shit but now ryuus right ugh  
noyaoyaoya: i feel like a clown :(

toyota: Don’t worry Nishinoya, you’re not a clown

noyaoyaoya: aw thx bae 

birds of prey: yeah you’re the entire circus

noyaoyaoya: attacked by my best friend WOW

* * * * *

**09:15**

prada: btw @toyota  whats up with your name   
prada: are you like a car nerd or something

toyota: No haha  
toyota: Kiyoomi thought Motoya rhymed with Toyota so he changed it!

prada: oh cool

homosexuals are GAY: tbh i prefer tesla

toyota: I  
toyota: I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now

homosexuals are GAY: :)

* * * * *

**10:24**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: so is no one going to discuss

human espresso: discuss what 

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: if cereal is a soup or salad

birds of prey: who drinks cold soup ew

noyaoyaoya: me

birds of prey: noya you’re weird

noyaoyaoya: :(  
noyaoyaoya: morisuke komis bullying me :((((((

birds of prey: ?????????

human espresso: say sorry, komi

birds of prey: you can’t tell me what to do i’m older than you!!!!!!!

human espresso: 1

birds of prey: >:(

human espresso: 2

birds of prey: ugh fine MOM  
birds of prey: sorry noya

noyaoyaoya: k

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: wow what a touching scene i almost shed a tear  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: so is cereal a soup or salad

birds of prey: don’t you add dressing to salad tho

noyaoyaoya: milk is the dressing??

birds of prey: ok but it’s not like salad is swimming in dressing right

noyaoyaoya: ...ew

human espresso: you don’t have to add dressing all the time  
human espresso: i prefer mine without 

noyaoyaoya: eW thats just pure vegetables

human espresso: it’s crunchier and tastes better

noyaoyaoya: c r o n c h

prada: wait you didnt specify cereal with or without milk

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: with milk obviously if not it would just be dry cereal

prada: then its soup because the ingredients are in the liquid

birds of prey: but the order of adding them inside is different

prada: ...add cereal to milk???

noyaoyaoya: NO   
noyaoyaoya: NONE OF THAT POURING MILK FIRST BULLSHIT IN MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

prada: yes maam sorry maam

birds of prey: ma’am????

prada: terushima makes us say yes maam to our managers hana-san and runa  
prada: and we say it to terushima too because hes dumb

noyaoyaoya: do u think chikara would hit me if i said that to him

human espresso: positive  
human espresso: yuu please don’t try that

noyaoyaoya: ;)))))))

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok chat final verdict?

birds of prey: ‘chat’ like this is twitch

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: lol  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: so??

human espresso: i say cereal is just cereal and we leave it as that

noyaoyaoya: me too

birds of prey: you’re cereal

noyaoyaoya: NO as in i agree w mori

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ..this was useless ok i’m just saying that it's soup because salad is disgusting

human espresso: hey!

noyaoyaoya: is for horses

human espresso: whatever  
human espresso: let’s not bring up any more controversial topics shall we

birds of prey: is a hotdog a sandwich

human espresso: komi i’m cancelling you

birds of prey: [cancel cancelled]

human espresso: why are you like this

* * * * *

**13:17**

homosexuals are GAY: now that that’s over  
homosexuals are GAY: we should come up with a squad name

the frogs are turning gay: squad??

homosexuals are gay: yea yall are my homies B)

the frogs are turning gay: sweet

noyaoyaoya: HELL YES we need a squad name  
noyaoyaoya: everyone else has their own squad

prada: everyone else?? 

noyaoyaoya: yeah u know the setter squad, captains squad  
noyaoyaoya: suga and kageyama are in a chat called ‘pretty setter squad’ like wtf 

h2o: oikawa-san probably named it 

prada: PRETTY SETTER SQUAD  
prada: why is takeharu not in there  
prada: wheres my lawyer  
prada: i call bullshit why is my best friend futamata takeharu not in the pretty setter squad????????????  
prada: i bet hes prettier than ALL of them

the frogs are turning gay: but there’s only a few setters in there  
the frogs are turning gay: like eight or nine?? i think

prada: ok well this is still bullshit   
prada: _Image Attached  
_ prada: look at how pretty he is. does he not deserve to be in there  
prada: even terushimas in a captain chat. terushima

h2o: ask yahaba! i know they have a "second gen captain" group chat and he’s a setter too so he can add your friend

homosexuals are GAY: you’re right futamata IS pretty

prada: RIGHT  
prada: ok but no hitting on him hes off limits to everyone except one person

noyaoyaoya: ???who

prada: gerard way

noyaoyaoya: GERAR D  
noyaoyaoya: DID YOU KNOW THYRE COMIGNBACK  
noyaoyaoya: ASKFJH SHF AKD ADLF   
noyaoyaoya: A

h2o: great you broke him

homosexuals are GAY: damn kids and their emo phases

noyaoyaoya: ITS NOT A PHASE  
noyaoyaoya: MOM

_**noyaoyaoya** changed their name to **I LOVE GERARD WA**_

homosexuals are GAY: gerard wa

prada: wa

h2o: wa

I LOVE GERARD WA: NOOOOOO ITS TOO LONG

_**I LOVE GERARD WA** changed their name to **NOT A PHASE MOM**_

NOT A PHASE MOM: ITS NOT A PHASE  
NOT A PHASE MOM: IT IS  
NOT A PHASE MOM: A WAY OF LIFE

homosexuals are GAY: ok that’s nice sweaty  
homosexuals are GAY: now can we come up with a squad name i want to brag to my team

NOT A PHASE MOM: how about KILLJOYS

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: MAKE SOME NOISE

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANA

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: NANANANANANA

prada: p-please stop

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANANANA

homosexuals are GAY: did you just stutter in text

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: NANANANA

prada: yes

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANANANANA

homosexuals are GAY: ok

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: NANANANANANA

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANANA

WHY ARE YOU RUNNNING: NANANANANA

h2o: why me

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANANANA

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: NANANANA

NOT A PHASE MOM: NANANANA

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: NANANANA

_[cut for length]_

* * * * *

**16:48**

human espresso: i’m not one for squad names but kuroo told me about this word because he said i should “loosen up”  
human espresso: “liberosis”; the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone—rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick fleeting interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play

toyota: That’s cool! We can use that

birds of prey: liberosis  
birds of prey: more like  
birds of prey: libero SIS

shibayama: hI sIsTeRs 👐

birds of prey: SHIBAYAMA PLEASE TELL ME YOU DON’T WATCH JAMES CHARLES

human espresso: shibayama i raised you better than this

shibayama: I’m just joking!!!! 

the frogs are turning gay: wig SNATCHED

toyota: What?

h2o: ugh tea sis

toyota: ????

human espresso: twitter slang don’t mind them

birds of prey: thesis more like TEA SIS

h2o: AHAHAHAHA  
h2o: here is my TEA SIS paper sksksksksk

human espresso: why

the frogs are turning gay: libero sister squad

birds of prey: n o

h2o: sister yaku!!!!!!!!!

human espresso: st o p

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: liberosis sounds like some kind of disease  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: let’s use it!!!

NOT A PHASE MOM: liberOLLING THUNDERRRRRR

birds of prey: watch him rollin watch him go

NOT A PHASE MOM: he be rollin down the street

birds of prey: he be rollin to the beat

NOT A PHASE MOM: here come dat boi

birds of prey: shit waddup

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

birds of prey: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

human espresso: STOP THAT

NOT A PHASE MOM: .  
NOT A PHASE MOM: ..  
NOT A PHASE MOM: ...  
NOT A PHASE MOM: ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

human espresso: why am i even friends with you two

birds of prey: because you looooooooove us~

human espresso: and i'm seriously starting to reconsider it

birds of prey: >:(

NOT A PHASE MOM: BUT YOU LOVE ME RIGHT

human espresso: of course  
human espresso: forever and always, yuu

NOT A PHASE MOM:!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone is enjoying the yakunoya so far because i am loving it :))  
> also!!! season four is in one week i can't wait to yell about it!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Call™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> season four episode one is coming out later and i'm!!!!!!

**19:06**

prada: its the most wonderful time of the 

NOT A PHASE MOM: yee

 **_prada_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘yee’_ **

prada: there better

 **_NOT A PHASE MOM_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘I Just Found 12 Bricks’_ **

**_prada_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘Terrible Mall Commercial’_ **

NOT A PHASE MOM: boots and pants and boots and pants

prada: get yourself an oUtFiT

 **_NOT A PHASE MOM_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘Boy with taco FAIL’_ **

prada: big oof

 **_prada_ ** _renamed the chat to ‘_ **_WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON COMPUTER’_ **

prada: GO OUTSIDE SO BEAUTIFUL

NOT A PHASE MOM: he said “im gonna pick your avocados old man, what are you gonna do about it”

prada: and what would prompt you to do something so stupid?

 **_NOT A PHASE MOM_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘guacamole’_ **

**_prada_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘if i’m not a bush, i’m not no one’_ **

**_NOT A PHASE MOM_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘this guy moaned at least this loud’_ **

NOT A PHASE MOM: oHhHhHHhHhhH

 **_prada_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘Most Brutal Metal Scream 2012’_ **

prada: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

homosexuals are GAY: tf are you two doing

human espresso: stop changing the chat name to important videos dammit

homosexuals are GAY: oh  
homosexuals are GAY: wait you forgot the best one

 **_homosexuals are GAY_ ** _renamed the chat to_ **_‘[ORIGINAL] Turkish man yelling “meow” at an egg’_ **

NOT A PHASE MOM: MEOOOOOOOOOW

human espresso: akagi why   
human espresso: aren’t you a third year too 

homosexuals are GAY: yes but i kin a piece of cheese so. 

prada: PIECE OF CHEESE

jared: THHHHHROW THE CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE

human espresso: ...that doesn’t even make sense

homosexuals are GAY: komi’s a third year too why don’t you call him out 

human espresso: i’ve long accepted the fact that komi has a maximum mental capacity of a three year old despite being seven months older than me

homosexuals are GAY: oof @ birds of prey  do you hear this

birds of prey: he isn’t wrong tbh

prada: LOL

human espresso: of course i’m not   
human espresso: also yuu

NOT A PHASE MOM: yes moriririri

human espresso: can you change your name to something not so loud

birds of prey: don’t you mean can YUU change your name

prada: nice one

NOT A PHASE MOM: ok but to what

birds of prey: can YUU do it

human espresso: anything that’s not in caps because looking at that is giving me a headache

NOT A PHASE MOM: ok 

homosexuals are GAY: haha ignored

NOT A PHASE MOM: anything for u mori<3

birds of prey: >:(  
birds of prey: OMF  
birds of prey: YAKU YOU HAVE TO SEND BACK THE HEART

human espresso: <3 

homosexuals are GAY: and here we see ZERO hesitation on yaku’s side!!!! 

prada: what a man!!!!!!!!

human espresso: >:(

 **_NOT A PHASE MOM_ ** _changed their name to_ **_jared_ **

jared: hi im jared, 19, and i never fucking learned how to read

human espresso: that’s nice jared

birds of prey: AAH IT’S JARED SUNBAENIM 

homosexuals are GAY: ?????isn’t that korean

birds of prey: language is a social construct

homosexuals are GAY: um ok

* * * * *

**14:53**

wheres my phone: guys  
wheres my phone: practice is starting soon and my phone always goes missing after practice so i’m gonna borrow shirabu’s phone then

prada: “”””borrow”””

where my phone: i’m gonna text all of his contacts and send hearts and ilys and dumb shit he would never send   
wheres my phone: okvoach is looking at me gtg byE

prada: HAHAHA NICE

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: shiraBUS

prada: you guys know a lot about trucks

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: bing bing bong

* * * * *

**15:27**

shibayama: Hi all!!

h2o: hello sir  
h2o: would you like coffee or tea

shibayama: Um I don’t drink either, sorry!!

toyota: Coffee please  
toyota: Shaken, not stirred

h2o: WRONG it’s tea

prada: OMG spill

h2o: jk i have no tea  
h2o: seijoh is way too chill

toyota: Shibayama you had something to say?

shibayama: I was wondering if you guys could help me with my homework? None of my classmates are replying (ﾟヘﾟ)

toyota: Of course! Take a picture of it and we’ll all help

shibayama: Thank you!!

prada: so.. pure  
prada: shibayama you are literal sunshine

shibayama: Um thank you I think??

h2o: GUYS we should have a group call  
h2o: this is skype after all  
h2o: hey that rhymed

prada: thats a good idea actually  
prada: idk how half of the people here look like

toyota: In that case we should wait until everyone is online to call  
toyota: How about tonight? 

h2o: i’m free! let’s do it

prada: same same

shibayama:  _Image Attached  
_ shibayama: I don’t know how to get the third part ( >﹏<。)～  
shibayama: I’m free tonight too! 

toyota: Ah Chemistry  
toyota: Not my best if I’m honest ;;

prada: id tell you a chemistry pun but i know i wouldnt get a reaction

h2o: that’s so lame  
h2o: oikawa pasted a picture of him and iwaizumi-san on his chemistry notebook and when matsukawa-san asked why he said it was because they had a lot of chemistry

shibayama: That’s so cute! 

h2o: then iwaizumi-san punched him

shibayama: Oh

prada: HAHA

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING:  _Image Attached_   
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: here!  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: the formula for percentage purity of a substance is mass of pure substance over mass of impure substance

shibayama: I see, thank you!!

prada: woah smart

h2o: didn’t we learn this last year?

prada: do you really expect me to remember things from last year

h2o: i mean you are in class 5

prada: ok shut up youre in class 6  
prada: our school has a lot of people so class 5 isnt actually that good anyway  
prada: but terushima is in a college prep class like how????  
prada: also holy shit akama your handwriting is so neat

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: thanks lmao  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: my teacher gets super pissed if she can’t read people’s handwriting

toyota: Akama, aren’t you in class 10?

prada: WHAT

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: um yeah

h2o: SMART  
h2o: i bet you’re the smartest out of us all

prada: pls teach me how to be smart senpai  
prada: akama sensei

h2o: sensei

shibayama: Thank you for the help senpai!!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: shibayama,, too cute,,,,

homosexuals are GAY: akama you are too smart this is not fair  
homosexuals are GAY: also

 **_homosexuals are GAY_ ** _changed shibayama’s name to_ **_Baby_ **

homosexuals are GAY: there fixed it

Baby: Um.. Ok? Thank you??

homosexuals are GAY: when i ask who's baby are you, you say akagi’s baby  
homosexuals are GAY: who's baby are you!!!!

Baby: Akagi-san’s baby  
Baby: ??

homosexuals are GAY: DAS RIGHT

prada: yeah akagi youre a baby time to grow up

homosexuals are GAY: >:(

jared: BREAKING NEWS  
jared: chocolate is a virus!!!!!11111!1!!1!1

toyota: What?

jared: bananas are going extinct!!@!!!!112  
jared: #noyafacts

prada: omg noya youre soooo smart  
prada: do you have anymore #noyafacts

jared: Your Free Trial Has Expired. To Gain Access to More #noyafacts, Please Purchase the Full Version [Here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

h2o: no thanks 

jared: damn  
jared: just when i thought i could make money off being smart

prada: “smart”

human espresso: your answer to how ammonia could be detected was “by smelling it”, yuu

jared: ATTACKED BY MY OWN LOVE  
jared: *clutches heart* go on….. without me……………..

toyota: You two are dating?

human espresso: yes  
human espresso: i’d say sadly but he is actually the best thing that’s happened to me, so

jared: AWW MORI <33333333333

human espresso: <33

prada: YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE

jared: ikr we are #couplegoals

toyota: By the way, nishinoya and yaku, are you two free to call tonight?  
toyota: We want to have a group call with everyone!

jared: CULT MEETING NICE

human espresso: we’re free

toyota: Ok!

* * * * *

**20:34**

jared: GUYS lets call now

birds of prey: òwó

jared: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

birds of prey: ( ◜◡‾)っ✂╰⋃╯ 

jared: omg is that a dick

birds of prey: could be a boob

jared: ew

birds of prey: don’t be sexist

jared: i mean haha i love boobs  
jared: WAIT NO  
jared: NO IDONT MORI I LOVEYUO

**_[ORIGINAL] Turkish man yelling “meow” at an egg is now calling…_ **

“Morisuke I didn’t mean it, I love you and you dick!”

Is the first thing the ten other boys hear the moment they pick up. 

“I’d rather you not talk about my dick in front of everyone,” comes the reply, Yaku’s face appearing in the facecam box. He sounds annoyed, but the curve his eyes are in betrays his affection for the other. 

“Ugh, stop being so gay,” Komi groans, his eyes squinting at the camera. “I get enough of this at training camps already.” 

“Says you! I can clearly see Konoha beside you,” Nishinoya shouts accusingly. 

“Shut up Noya, you’re going to wake him!” 

The other boys watch their banter in amusement and surely enough, the outline of a lump can be seen on the bed where Komi is sitting. How Nishinoya knew that was Konoha, no one will ever know. 

“Guys,” Yamagata cuts in, his hair damp and sticking to the sides of his face from a shower, “I managed to get Shirabu’s phone just now-“

“Spill the tea!” Tsuchiyu immediately exclaims, hands slamming on the table and making the phone shake as he leans closer to the camera. “Did you text Ushiwaka?”

“Not exactly, I renamed his contacts instead.” Yamagta grins mischievously. “At first I switched Wakatoshi and Terushima, not with Futakuchi because I’m not _that_ mean, but when I asked him to act like Ushijima to make it more legit, he said to change Futakuchi and Yahaba, too. So I switched a bunch of people around, and now Terushima and Wakatoshi are switched, Yahaba is Futakuchi, Eita is Yahaba, Taichi is Eita, and Futakuchi is Taichi. I’m trusting them to fuck shit up.” 

“NICE,” Nishinoya yells, and makes everyone cringe and regret wearing headphones. For some reason, Akama decides to be annoying too and open a bag of chips right beside his mic. 

“Is he always this loud?” Komori asks over the noise, to which Yaku, Komi, Shibayama, Watari — everyone else, basically — nods. Well shit, Komori didn’t sign up to get his eardrums burst. Sad face. 

“Quack quack motherfuckers!” Akama says, or tries to say, after putting two chips in his mouth to look like a duck, but he fails as they break and make him start choking instead. Everyone just laughs at his misfortune and no one asks if he’s okay. What good friends, am I right.

“Hey, Komi, that sweater looks really cute on you,” Akagi whistles as he eyes the libero in question, who’s wearing an oversized sweater that exposes his right shoulder and makes him look smaller than he already is. His eyes crinkle as he smiles and replies, “Thanks, it’s my boyfriend’s.”

“OHHH SHUT DOWN!!” Akagi’s face scrunches up unpleasantly at Tsuchiyu’s (unnecessary) jab as everyone cackles at him. “I wasn’t even flirting…” he mumbles sadly. Akama, who has stopped choking, crunches his chips loudly in the background. 

“Wait Akagi, don’t you like Suna?” The boys hear a faint shout from Akagi’s side. His face contorts into a mixture of shock and something else as his eyes widen and he turns to hurriedly scream a “Shut up you don’t know shit Shimono!” to the other person. “Ignore what he said,” Akagi huffs as he faces the camera once again. Watari notices him becoming flustered and takes this as a chance to get his hands on some Piping Hot Tea™. 

“No way, who’s Suna?” The nine other boys chorus similar questions and Akagi knows he’s fucked. “He’s just a second year on my team-” “Who you never shut up about!” The Inarizaki libero drops his hand in his head and groans as Tsuchiyu chants “Spill spill spill!”

“Ok, fine, he’s a second year on my team who I like a lot because even though he doesn’t talk that much he’s super cool on court and can be funny when he wants to and his hair is so fucking soft, or at least looks soft, and his eyes are just so _pretty_ when he stares at me I feel like dying although he’s probably judging me really hard because I’m weird as fuck, and his smile, _oh my god_ his _smile_ , it’s always like, barely there, but he looks so _hot_ when he smiles, shit, are you happy now?” 

“That’s really gay.”

“I mean, I am, so.”

“Have you asked him out?” 

“Well, no-”

“Why not? If you like him so much you should just date already.”

“It’s not that easy.” Akagi grumbles and glares at Nishinoya who just shrugs, lowkey (read: highkey) wanting to strangle the annoying Karasuno second year. “He’s a year younger, it’ll be weird.”

Yaku coughs exaggeratedly.

“It’s not the same, y’all are on different teams so it’s less awkward.”

“Eita and Taichi are dating, they’re a year apart and things are fine,” Yamagata chips in. 

“It’s better than letting your crush take over you,” adds Sakunami, his fringe clipped up and making him look twelve. “Before they got together, Futakuchi would always get flustered whenever Yahaba talked to him and mess up on court. There was one time he missed five spikes in a row.”

“Oh, same dude. Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san were like that too last year, Oikawa-san kept staring at Iwaizumi-san’s muscles and messed up the timing on his tosses. Even coach noticed and made them do something about it.”

“See? So you should just ask him out.” Nishinoya harrumphs in triumph. “How long have you liked him for, anyway?” Akagi’s reply is quiet and very, very reluctant. “‘bout two years.”

“TWO YEARS?!” Aaand now everyone regrets not turning down their volume.

“Akagi’s liked him since the start! After the first practice with them he was like, oh my god, the new first year on the team is so cute, what do I do, help me, he’s called Suna that’s such a cool name holy shit, his hair looks like Hoshi’s when they did Andromeda, his eyes look like a cat's, his fingers are so pretty I bet they'd look so good painted, his muscles are so hot, etcetera etcetera. ” Akagi’s roommate supplies helpfully after hearing Akagi’s admission. Said boy flushes a bright red, which the webcam barely picks up, and turns around to yell at his friend again.

“ALSO WHERE GAARA IS FROM!!!” Tsuchiyu exclaims excitedly. (Same, Tsuchiyu, same.)

“Anyway,” Akagi announces loudly over all the chatter, “I can’t ask him out because he’s always hanging out with the other second years, so there’s no way I can get near him in the first place.”

“You just don’t want it to be awkward, right?” Shibayama’s cute baby voice speaks up for the first time since the call started. “If you ask him after nationals, you’d be retiring then so even if he rejected you it wouldn’t be so awkward! Not saying that he’ll reject you!” The first year waves his hands frantically when he sees Akagi’s face fall at the mention of rejection.

“That’s a good idea, actually,” he admits after a while. “Oh, Shibayama, you’re my saviour. My baby saviour.” Shibayama laughs out a hesitant “Thank you?” while the others complain that they helped, too.

“Akama, can you stop eating so loudly. Wait, now he’s just going to eat even louder, why did I say that.” Yaku realises too late, and the Nohebi libero does exactly that. Ha ha. 

“Akama, stop that.” A voice from Akama’s side goes. Well obviously he doesn’t stop, and crunches his chips even louder, but thankfully him leaning to the side to whoever’s sitting beside him also makes him further from the mic. “I swear, Akama, if you eat another chip-”

The boys watch as Akama leans almost off screen and purposely crunches a chip right in the person’s ear.

“AKAMA SOU!” A blur figure suddenly appears and-- Oh, Akama’s being choked now, this time not by the chips but by a blonde haired boy. 

As always, they all laugh and watch him being strangled by this guy with zero (0) worry for his safety at all. Yaku snorts and says it serves him right.

**…**

**_Call ended 23:07, duration 2h 31m 27_ **

* * * * *

**23:08**

jared: GUYS THAT WAS SO FUN  
jared: WE HAVE TO CALL AGAIN

toyota: Definitely!

birds of prey: how did you even fall off your chair at the end @ homosexuals are GAY 

homosexuals are GAY: my dumbass friend kicked my chair

prada: i bet you just saw a picture of suna and he was too hot for u to handle

homosexuals are GAY: shut up we agreed to not talk about that

the frogs are turning gay: no we didn’t 

h2o: we are all extremely invested in your relationship please continue talking about him

homosexuals are GAY: yall ain’t gonna let me go are you

prada: of course not who do you think we are

jared: running round leaving scars

human espresso: while we would all like to know more about your adventures with suna

prada: “adventures”

human espresso: it’s almost midnight and we should all go to sleep

birds of prey: a wild yakumom has appeared!

human espresso: istg komi

prada: yaku should be team mom tbh

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i agree can we vote yaku for team mom  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: everyone who agrees say i

birds of prey: i

h2o: i

wheres my phone: i

the frogs are turning gay: i

homosexuals are GAY: i

prada: i

Baby: I

toyota: I

jared: eye-  
jared: HELL NO  
jared: THAT WOULD BE LIKE DATING MY MOM  
jared: none of that in my christian minecraft server

human espresso: thank you, yuu  
human espresso: i am no one’s mother tyvm  
human espresso: if anything, komori can be team mom

toyota: Me??

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: true, you’re the only other sane one here besides yaku and shibayama

homosexuals are GAY: ok it’s decided komori is team mom

toyota: But we’re not even in the same team?? And I’m younger than some of you????

h2o: details details  
h2o: also you’re metally older than a lot of us anyway

 **_homosexuals are GAY_ ** _changed toyota's name to_ **_toyotaMOM_ **

the frogs are turning gay: now it just sounds like he’s a mom who loves toyota cars

homosexuals are GAY: then what else is there  
homosexuals are GAY: komomom???  
homosexuals are GAY: koMOM  
homosexuals are GAY: MOMTOYA

toyotaMOM: I did not agree to this.

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: akagiPls

birds of prey: why do you keep using twitch chat language

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: kappa kappa kappa  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: monkaS  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: pepeD pepeHands

human espresso: everyone go to sleep  
human espresso: now.

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: oh shit he brought out the punctuation

prada: yes sir understood sir

human espresso: also yuu  
human espresso: don’t stay up until two watching tiktoks again  
human espresso: and especially don’t fall asleep to tiktoks 

jared: BUT THEYRE SO FUNNY

toyotaMOM: Does tiktok even have anything good?

jared: YES

wheres my phone: tiktok sucks  
wheres my phone: tendou forced me to download it and it sucks  
wheres my phone: there was this one where a guy put a ton of mentos in a hole and poured coca cola inside and was like “watch my next tiktok to find out what happens”  
wheres my phone: and he never uploaded it????????

h2o: so you hate tiktok because of one guy who never uploaded his science experiment??

wheres my phone: no there were others like that too

human espresso: . 

toyotaMOM: Guys I think we should all really go now!  
toyotaMOM: Listen to mom!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok mom

Baby: Goodnight everyone!!

homosexuals are GAY: what a baby,,

prada: yes sir understood sir will do sir

human espresso: thank god for you komori  
human espresso: you're a lifesaver

toyotaMOM: No problem!

human espresso: and i meant what i said, yuu  
human espresso: i’ll call your mom if i have to

jared: NO PLEASE DONT  
jared: ILL SLEEP NOW GOODNIGHT MORI<3

h2o: not a mom, he says

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's like. one other fic in the akasuna tag. pls join me in rarepair hell thanks  
> also i'm getting pet chickens tomorrow how exciting is that!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school was a bitch and i guess my "friends" aren't really friends so i'm posting this to cheer myself up :)) enjoy!

**07:43**

prada: wait akagi  
prada: if you like suna then why are you such a hoe

homosexuals are GAY: i  
homosexuals are GAY: how dare you  
homosexuals are GAY: how VERY dare you

Baby: Don’t you mean  
Baby: HOEw dare you

homosexuals are GAY: GASP  
homosexuals are GAY: SHIBAYAMA YOU CANT SWEAR   
homosexuals are GAY: YOURE LIKE NINE

Baby: I love when people tell me I’m like two, nine years old  
Baby: I’m eleven so shut the fuck up

homosexuals are GAY: NOO DONT SWEAR  
homosexuals are GAY: YOU CAN'T SWEAR  
homosexuals are GAY: BABIES AREN'T ALLOWED TO SWEAR  
homosexuals are GAY: good one tho

Baby: I’m sorry!!!! Naoyasu let me watch vines yesterday, I just had to use it  
Baby: I don’t mean it Akagi-san (´-﹏-`；) 

prada: naoyasu??

Baby: My boyfriend! He’s from nohebi (๑>◡<๑)

human espresso: oh god what has he been teaching you shibayama

Baby: Nothing bad I promise!!!!  
Baby: He’s just been showing me memes so I can understand his references  
Baby: They’re all really funny!

human espresso: well that’s what memes are

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: oh god kuguri is the biggest meme on our team  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: and that says a lot  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: HIS INSULTS ARE THE BEST  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: one time daishou kept talking about how kuguri needed to be more fired up and enthusiastic about things and he just went  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: “shut up you six piece chicken mcnobody”

homosexuals are GAY: sIX PIEC E CHICKEN MCNOBODY   
homosexuals are GAY: I GOTTA REMEMBER THAT SHIT

Baby: Oh he hasn’t told me any of that  
Baby: So far he’s shown me vine compilations and other funny Youtube videos  
Baby: Now he’s making me watch a playlist called “important videos” and they’re all really funny!

prada: NICE

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: that boy literally watches that playlist religiously  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: 5 minutes before practice starts and he’ll be in the changing room, headphones on and watching THAT

homosexuals are GAY: what a Dedicated™ memer

* * * * *

**08:12**

jared: why do crocodiles walk so gayly

prada: theyre gay

jared: i see

* * * * *

**12:43**

h2o: did you know in australia, there’s an ice cream called golden gaytime

jared: sounds fUN

toyota: Did you know that you can feel your nose hairs?

jared: WAIT REALLY

h2o: no god don’t start with these things pls

toyota: Kiyoomi was showing me this interesting tweet  
toyota: You are also aware of everything your skin is touching!

human espresso: you’re always tasting your own tongue

jared: how bout i taste yours for a change  
jared: ;)))))

h2o: SMOOTH

human espresso: you already do so it’s not much of a change

jared: shit u right

* * * * *

**15:28**

wheres my phone: ok i just went to search and  
wheres my phone: bananas are actually going extinct

the frogs are turning gay: wait really?

jared: did you not believe my #noyafacts

wheres my phone: no not really

jared: >:(

wheres my phone: apparently there are two fungal diseases that cause it  
wheres my phone: one is called the black sigatoka disease  
wheres my phone: the other is called panama disease that already wiped out one kind of banana called the “gros michel”

the frogs are turning gay: lol gros

jared: SEE this is why you should trust #noyafacts

the frogs are turning gay: i don’t think chocolates are viruses though

jared: you dont know shit  
jared: cheetahs arent the fastest animal, its dogs

wheres my phone: no i don’t think so

jared: not every snowflake is unique

the frogs are turning gay: really??

jared: my uncle was columbia 

human espresso: yuu you don’t even have an uncle

jared: WHY IS EVERYONE ATTACKING ME

wheres my phone: _Image Attached  
_wheres my phone: cheetahs are the fastest land animal you're WRONG

jared: BLOCKEDT

* * * * *

**21:13**

Baby: Hi would you guys like to hear some jokes?

birds of prey: do your worst

Baby: What kind of fish has too much sodium

toyota: salted fish?

Baby: No  
Baby: Tuna!

toyota: Oh that’s a smart one!

birds of prey: WAIT WHY

Baby: 2Na

birds of Prey: OH

toyota: Do you have anymore?

Baby: Yes!!  
Baby: Why can’t your nose be twelve inches long?

birds of prey: i dont know why

Baby: Because then it would be a foot!

prada: I HAVE A JOKE TOO 

birds of prey: yourself

prada: no  
prada: what do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students

toyota: What?

prada: a pdf file

Baby: That’s not nice

birds of prey: YOU RUINED IT   
birds of prey: we only need pure innocent jokes here

prada: no  
prada: what do you get if you put nuts on your wall

Baby: Walnuts?

prada: yes  
prada: what do you get if you put nuts on your chest

toyota: Chestnuts!

birds of prey: chestnuts

prada: wow yall r so smart

birds of prey: yall

prada: dont yall shame me  
prada: last one what do you get if you put nuts on your chin

Baby: Chin nuts????

prada: A MOUTH FULL OF COCK

birds of prey: WE ASKED FOR PURE JOKES   
birds of prey: P UR E   
birds of prey: THERE IS A CHILD HERE

Baby: I am not a child!!!!!

birds of prey: you thought no nut november meant no eating nuts

toyota: i mean he’s not exactly wrong

prada: CHI LD 

Baby: Well you didn’t even tell me in the end so I had to ask Naoyasu!

Baby: And he only told me because he didn’t want me to google it

Baby: ＜(。_。)＞

* * * * *

**17:59**

jared: there was a spider in my house just now

h2o: oook let’s stop right there at that horror story

jared: it was massive

birds of prey: like this dick

jared: ummmm ure like 164cm

birds of prey: I’M 166  
birds of prey: and you’re 149 so whos the real winner here

h2o: noya you’re 149cm????

birds of prey: yeah his hair is 10cm tall LOL

jared: STOP EXPOSING ME ON THE INTERNET  
jared: thats CYBERBULLYING  
jared: i cant believe youve done this  
jared: anyway the spider was really big it was like a wolf spider

h2o: did it howl at you

jared: yeah it was like AWOOOOO

birds of prey: UWUUUUUUU

jared: anyway the spider was on my foot and going to jump to my curtain  
jared: but i wouldnt let it hide there. that bitch

birds of prey: stop calling the spider names 

jared: so i blocked it BUT THEN IT FLEW ACROSS MY ROOM

h2o: oh god

jared: it went to my shoes 

h2o: o h g od

jared: so i got the biggest cup i could find to catch it  
jared: actually it was just a normal cup  
jared: BUT WHEN I CHECKED UNDER BOTH MY SHOES IT WASNT THERE

birds of prey: wait so you still haven’t caught it

jared: NO AND IM PANCKNG

h2o: aight im out spiders are too scary for me to handle

jared: idk what to do no one is home even if i scream no one can help me  
jared: its been 30min i still havent seen it  
jared: maybe i should sing the spiderman theme song 

birds of prey: DO IT

jared: OK

* * * * *

**19:33**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: do you guys like bees

human espresso: they pollinate half the world’s flowers so i guess so

homosexuals are GAY: i hate bees

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i feel like you kinda have to like bees now  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: like it’s socially unacceptable to not like bees

human espresso: people say that if bees die, we die too

jared: BEES ARE SO CUTE  
jared: they can fly at 25kmh  
jared: like a small car

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: but instead of vroom they go bzz

human espresso: there’s no horn so they have to bzz angrily

homosexuals are GAY: “bzz bzz bZZZZ BZZ”  
homosexuals are GAY: translation: get the FUCK out of my way 

jared: speaking of bzz  
jared: buzz lightyear can choke me

human espresso: just.. why

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: who would you be in toystory  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i’d be mr potatohead and that’s FINAL

human espresso: jessie!!  
human espresso: i have her autograph  
human espresso: she wraps the bottom of the j into a lasso and makes the top of the j into a hat isn’t that cool?

homosexuals are GAY: i feel like noya would be the dinosaur

jared: HEY

human espresso: now that’s just mean

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: don’t listen to him noya

jared: akagi would be that creepy babys head on a spiders body

homosexuals are GAY: LMAO fair fair

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: so there’s woody, buzz lightyear and mr potato right

human espresso: yeah

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: fuck marry kill

human espresso: why. would you do that

jared: fuck buzz marry mr potato kill woody

homosexuals are GAY: WHY KILL WOODY

jared: i dont like his shirt   
jared: its weird

homosexuals are GAY: his shirt is ICONIC  
homosexuals are GAY: do not talk to me and my ten children ever again

jared: k

homosexuals are GAY: AND DON'T YOU 'k' ME YOU WOODY HATING MONSTER

jared: OXYGEN POTASSIUM

* * * * *

**08:21**

the frogs are turning gay: there are five frogs staring at me right now

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: but only one can be america’s next top model

prada: sakunami dont talk about your team like that 

the frogs are turning gay: well they are all green  
the frogs are turning gay: oh maybe that’s why futakuchi set this as my name  
the frogs are turning gay: huh

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: there are only six people on your team?

the frogs are turning gay: seven, after the third years left

the frogs are turning gay: but futakuchi’s busy flirting with johzenji’s captain by the benches

prada: terushima told me that shirabu was boring and barely texted him as ushijima rip

the frogs are turning gay: i overheard futakuchi telling aone-senpai that shirabu ranted about how cute his boyfriends were, thinking that he was kawanishi  
the frogs are turning gay: it’s a wonder that futakuchi didn’t immediately blow his cover by teasing him

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: that’s so cute tho  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: imagine finding out that your tsun bf talks about you to other people

prada: imagine if suna was like that too  
prada: @  homosexuals are GAY 

homosexuals are GAY: nani  
homosexuals are GAY: FORGET ABOUT THAT ALREADYYy   
homosexuals are GAY: how did a conversation about shirabu become about suna  
homosexuals are GAY: and he’s not even my bf wtf

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: yet

prada: but imagine suna fanboying about you to the miyas

homosexuals are GAY: STOP IT YOURE GIVING ME HOPE

the frogs are turning gay: oh the two of them stopped being horny in the middle of the court we gtg now bye

prada: BYE GOOD LUCK WITH SUNA

homosexuals are GAY: STO P PLs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there'll still be a chapter on friday like normal :D  
> also have you guys seen the new ova? it was AMAZING although they did my boys dirty by not showing komi calling konoha mr jack-of-all-trades AND cutting out a lot of kuguri scenes ;-;; but season 4!! and the opening and ending songs are LIT


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone's had a great week so far!! can't wait for the new episode :D

**14:09**

toyota: Have any of you been to Australia?

h2o: i've been there once  
h2o: but i don’t remember anything except sitting on the duck boat

jared: THE HIPPO BOAT

h2o: no it was the duck boat  
h2o: hippos don’t even float you dumb

jared: imagine if hippos floated on water 

toyota: Don’t they already do?

jared: no but like  
jared: theyre still underwater  
jared: imagine if they floated like ducks  
jared: IMAGINE IF THEY WALKED ON WATER  
jared: hippo jesùs

toyota: Now that would be disturbing  
toyota: Does anyone else have any experience there?  
toyota: My sister is going and I want her to be prepared!

jared: how old is she??

toyota: 22!

h2o: aww thats so cute  
h2o: she must be so lucky to have a brother like you

toyota: Thanks :)

jared: australias seasons are different from here  
jared: summers in december and winter is in june   
jaed: ALSO DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GROW WEED IN AUSTRALIA

h2o: no you can’t?? you told me that last time so i searched and it’s only allowed for medicinal purposes

jared: are u legit  
jared: kazuhito is a such a LIAR

h2o: maybe he was just messing with you

jared: >:/  
jared: so u cant grow weed in australia  
jared: lame

toyota: You can’t grow it in Japan either though?

jared: LAME

toyota: Alright anyways  
toyota: Thanks for your help guys! I’ll go ask my other friends now 

* * * * *

**17:13**

birds of prey: i know no one cares  
birds of prey: but you should care actually  
birds of prey: _Image Attached _

wheres my phone: i thought you guys were owls not cats

birds of prey: yEA well akinori looks fucking cute with the filter so

jared: NO EXCUSE ME MORISUKE IS CUTER  
jared: _ Image Attached  
_ jared:  _I_ _mage Attached_ _  
_ jared: U CANT COMPETE WITH AN ACTUAL CAT 

birds of prey: HE’S SHORT

jared: SO R U

birds of prey: BITCH EXCUSE ME I’M 1CM TALLER   
birds of prey: AND AKINORI IS 178 SO OUR AVERAGE HEIGHT IS HIGHER

wheres my phone: “higher”

birds of prey: TALLER

jared: WELL 

wheres my phone: i thought you guys were best bros??

jared: WE ARE 

birds of prey: WE ARE 

wheres my phone: then why are you comparing boyfriends????

jared: because morisuke is cuter and thats a fact

birds of prey: NO AKI IS 

jared: MORI 

birds of prey: AKI 

jared: MORI 

human espresso: yes i heard my name   
human espresso: DAMMIT YUU WHY DID YOU SEND THOSE PICTURES 

jared: NEEDED TO PROVE TO KOMI HOW MUCH CUTER U R  
jared: <33

human espresso: i appreciate that but please don’t send them next time  
human espresso: they’re only for you to see  
human espresso: <3

birds of prey: fuck i’m getting diABETES THIS IS TOO SWEET WTF 

jared: HA TAKE THAT 

homosexuals are GAY:  _Image Attached  
_ homosexuals are GAY: yall may be cute but you cant compare with suna’s hotness

birds of prey: _ Image Attched  
_birds of prey: aki can 

jared: GASP  
jared: U ASKED HIM OUT???????????????????????

wheres my phone: i guess he is kinda hot

homosexuals are GAY: not kinda. VERY   
homosexuals are GAY: obviously i havEN’T asked him out yet why do you think the picture is blurry

jared: NOOOOOO

birds of prey: your tiny gay hands shaking as you snapsnapsnapsnapsnap snap snap snap snap snap snapsnapsnapsnapnsnap a pic of him  
birds of prey: shit my autocorrect

jared: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA WTF IS THAT

birds of prey: it’s supposed to be in a Z but autocorrect sucks so it’s like that :/

homosexuals are GAY: sadly  
homosexuals are GAY: you are correct  
homosexuals are GAY: ok to be fair yesterday i tried asking him to hang out  
homosexuals are GAY: but thr miyas were arnd him anD I COUDLTN GET ANYWHERE NEAR :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:(:(:(

wheres my phone: woah woah calm down dude   
wheres my phone: you could always ask him over text   
wheres my phone: you have his number right?

homosexuals are GAY: yes but the last time we texted was like 2 months ago?? about some volleyball practice match or something :////

jared: WAIT I KNOW I KNOW  
jared: ask him to see a movie with u  
jared: say u already asked the others and they couldnt go 

birds of prey: but then that sounds like he's a last resort and you don't really want to hang out with him

jared: yea well u could ask him first too

homosexuals are GAY: actually  
homosexuals are GAY: that idea ain’t half as bad

jared: AY

wheres my phone: you can be like  
wheres my phone: hey do u wanna see xxx with me  
wheres my phone: if he asks you why him say the others couldn't make it and you're definitely not asking the miyas

homosexuals are GAY: holy shit u guys are AMAZING   
homosexuals are GAY: thats so good THANKS YAMAGATA ILY NO HOMO <3333

wheres my phone: no problem <3

jared: WHEN R U ASKING HIM

homosexuals are GAY: the movie’s in two weeks so maybe next week  
homosexuals are GAY: hhhhhhhhhhh i’m so gay

birds of prey: yea you are

* * * * *

**21:48**

prada: how do you pronounce gnome  
prada: is it nome

h2o: well it's spelled gnome it would be rude to the g to not pronounce it

prada: g nome  
prada: gee nome???

h2o: i think it's more like know-m  
h2o: why do you even want to know

prada: so i can do THIS 

h2o: what

prada: i’m not a gnelf  
prada: i’m not a gnoblin

h2o: wtf

prada: I'M A GNOME  
prada: AND YOU'VE BEEN   
prada: GNOMED!!!!1!1!1!1!1!!

h2o: why did i help you

prada: :)

* * * * *

**23:29**

homosexuals are GAY: hey noya your shoes are really cool :)   
homosexuals are GAY: swag 100

jared: ay thanks  
jared: WAIT HOW DO U KNOW  
jared: HOW CAN U SEE MY SHOES

birds of prey: maybe he's under your table

jared: HEHSWHY WOUDLBU SAY TRHAT  
jared: I HAD TO CHECK  
jared: IMNOT EVEN WEARING SHOES RN WTFFFF

homosexuals are GAY: ;;;;;;) 

jared: f u

homosexuals are GAY: sry im taken  
homosexuals are GAY: ok well i want to be anyway :/  
homosexuals are GAY: your taken

birds of prey: *you're

homosexuals are GAY: shut up you don’t type properly either

jared: ur right i am taken

birds of prey: *ure 

jared: i dont know who you are.

homosexuals are GAY: yes u do

jared: i dont know what you want. 

homosexuals are GAY: tbh i rly want suna ://////  
homosexuals are GAY: and since when did you use periods  
homosexuals are GAY: what are you typing it’s been like 6900hours

birds of prey: just wait

homosexuals are GAY: ???

jared: if you are looking for ransom, i can tell you i dont have money. but what i do have are a very particular set of skills, skills that i have acquired over a very long career. skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. if you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. i will not look for you, i will not pursue you. but if you dont, i will look for you, i will find you, and i will kill you. 

homosexuals are GAY: .  
homosexuals are GAY: ..  
homosexuals are GAY: …  
homosexuals are GAY: good luck

jared: AYYYYYYYYY U KNOW IT 

homosexuals are GAY: ofc who do you think i am

birds of prey: a pUSSY WHO CAN'T ASK OUT HIS CRUSH

homosexuals are GAY: THE ONLY CRUSH I HAVE IS CRUSHING ANXIETY

birds of prey: agreed

homosexuals are GAY: >:(

jared: akagi more like akaGAY

homosexuals are GAY: like i haven’t heard that one before  
homosexuals are GAY: (i haven’t actually good one)

_**jared** changed **homosexuals are GAY’s** name to **akaGAY** _

akaGAY: OI WHAT IF MY TEAM SEES 

birds of prey: not like your other one was any better

akaGAY: ok tru

* * * * *

**04:20**

jared: IMSO ANGRYWT F  
jared: ay 420nice   
jared: I DREAMT THAT I ORDERED A CHOCOLATE BANANA CRPEE AT MCDONALDS FORLIKE 4.90 BUT I WOKE UP EBFORE I GOT TI EAT IT  
jared: THIS IS BULLSHIT  
jared: MCDONALDS DOESNT EVEN SELL CREPES

human espresso: yuu it’s 4am go back to sleep please

jared: but my crepe :(

human espresso: i’ll buy you one tomorrow just go sleep ok? you’ve got school tomorrow

jared: :(( ok  
jared: but u sleep too ok mori  
jared: love uuuuuu  
jared: <333333

human espresso: love you, too  
human espresso: <3

* * * * *

**09:03**

birds of prey: wake up in the morning 

prada: feelin like p diddy

birds of prey: first thing i get is DIABETES   
birds of prey: stop being so cute   
birds of prey: who gave you the right  
birds of prey: WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

prada: grab my glasses im out the door im gonna hit this city

birds of prey: what

prada: before i leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack

birds of prey: oh

prada: cuz when i leave for the night i aint comin back  
prada: im talkin pedicure on our toes toes  
prada: prada: tryin on all of our clothes clothes  
prada: boys blowin up our phones phones  
prada: drop toppin playing our favourite cds  
prada: pullin up to the party  
prada: tryna get a little bit tipsy  
prada: DONT STOP

birds of prey: please stop

prada: MAKE IT POP  
prada: DJ BLOW MY SPEAKERS UP  
prada: TONIGHT IMMA FIGHT TILL WE SEE THE SUNLIGHT  
prada: TIK TOK  
prada: ON THE CLOCK  
prada: BUT THE PARTY DONT STOP NO  
prada: OWOWOWO  
prada: LIKE OWOWOWO  
prada: aint got a care in the world but got plenty of beer  
prada: aint got no money in my pocket but im already here   
prada: and now the dudes are linin up cuz they hear we got swagger  
prada: but we kick em to the curb unless they look like mick jagger

...

**09:14**

prada: BUT THE PARTY DONT STOP OH  
prada: :)  
prada: i love ke$sha!!!!!!!!1!1111!

birds of prey: are you done

prada: no

birds of prey: damn

prada: THERES A PLACE DOWN TOWN  
prada: WHERE THE FREAKS ALL COME AROUND

birds of prey: why me

prada: ITS A HOLE IN THE WALL  
prada: ITS A DIRTY FREE FOR ALL

_[cut for length]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the mcdonalds crepe dream happened to me and it looked so good but i woke up before i got to eat it and felt really pissed :/  
> edit: i made a twitter come yell with me about haikyuu [there](https://twitter.com/kouraing) !!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love supportive friends

**02:37**

the frogs are turning gay: is anyone online

toyotaMOM: I am! What’s wrong?

the frogs are turning gay: sorry i just  
the frogs are turning gay: really need to talk to someone

toyotaMOM: Of course  
toyotaMOM: Do you want to move to private message?

the frogs are turning gay: no it’s ok  
the frogs are turning gay: koganegawa asked me out today  
the frogs are turning gay: my teammate

toyotaMOM: The tall first year setter?

the frogs are turning gay: yeah

toyotaMOM: That’s good!   
toyotaMOM: Right? 

the frogs are turning gay: well idk  
the frogs are turning gay: i don’t really know how to explain it   
the frogs are turning gay: it’s not really a personal thing because i do trust him and he’s my good friend

toyotaMOM: But you don’t like him that way?

the frogs are turning gay: not exactly  
the frogs are turning gay: more like i don’t know if i even can  
the frogs are turning gay: i kind of dated a long time friend when i was 13 but i just didn't feel into it  
the frogs are turning gay: i was excited at first and happy that they felt the same way but when they wanted to be closer and hold hands and stuff i just couldn't take it and distanced myself from them  
the frogs are turning gay: they apologised for being clingy but i think i was at fault too  
the frogs are turning gay: and when i meet someone new and cool and funny i feel super attracted to them and think of them all the time and even think of what it would be like dating them but once we become close friends the attraction goes away   
the frogs are turning gay: and if they become even closer i start to close off again  
the frogs are turning gay: the idea of relationships are cool and stuff like holding hands and cuddling is cute and all but if i actually do it i tense up a lot. the idea of kissing kind of puts me off too  
the frogs are turning gay: sorry that was a lot to take in

toyotaMOM: No not at all!  
toyotaMOM: I'm in a relationship myself so don’t entirely understand what you feel, but I can see where you’re coming from  
toyotaMOM: What you’re saying is that you only feel attraction for a person when you first know them, right? But when you become closer, you start to see them more as a friend?

the frogs are turning gay: yeah something like that  
the frogs are turning gay: that friend i ‘dated’ was more of me thinking i wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with them more actually wanting to date them  
the frogs are turning gay: but i think that’s just because we were really close and i didn’t actually like them romantically

toyotaMOM: I see  
toyotaMOM: So you’re worried you can’t commit to a relationship with Koganegawa because you might not be attracted to him?

the frogs are turning gay: sort of  
the frogs are turning gay: i don’t know if i want to date anyone anymore  
the frogs are turning gay: i had a really bad experience two years ago  
the frogs are turning gay: i met this new classmate and we became close friends really quick and i kind of started to like him  
the frogs are turning gay: whenever we sat next to each other his shoulder would always touch mine and we always had lunch together  
the frogs are turning gay: but he had this other friend too and they were also close and i was kind of jealous  
the frogs are turning gay: but after summer break we came back and suddenly he started going lunch with that other person but acted as if everything was ok?? there was another incident but i don't really want to talk about it   
the frogs are turning gay: we never actually dated or anything but i just felt really hurt because it was like he was luring me and acting as if he felt the same and everything but in the end i just felt so used and thrown away?? even though i wasn't really  
the frogs are turning gay: i distanced myself from them and it hurt a lot but afterwards i was fine   
the frogs are turning gay: it's a lot more than that but i don't want to remember it  
the frogs are turning gay: and because of that i really don’t want to be in a relationship  
the frogs are turning gay: i think i might be aromantic

toyotaMOM: That person’s really shitty. 

the frogs are turning gay: yeah

toyotaMOM: I understand more now  
toyotaMOM: You’re not so much as scared but more repelled by the idea of a relationship because of what happened, right?   
toyotaMOM: You don’t want yourself to get hurt again 

the frogs are turning gay: yeah   
the frogs are turning gay: i’ve stopped getting close to people since that happened and it’s worked 

toyotaMOM: I'd say you shouldn’t do that, but that’s not very good advice  
toyotaMOM: Regarding your previous feeling, where you feel relationships are cool but only in theory, there’s actually a term for that!   
toyotaMOM: It’s called lithromantic  
toyotaMOM: You can read up more on it and see if it fits you  
toyotaMOM: Also if you don’t mind me asking, do you feel that you’re aromantic because you don’t like relationships or because of what happened with that person?

the frogs are turning gay: um more because of that person actually  
the frogs are turning gay: maybe that's to protect myself too  
the frogs are turning gay: maybe i’m just broken :(

toyotaMOM: You are not broken, please don’t tell yourself that Sakunami!  
toyotaMOM: Not wanting to be in a relationship to protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally does not mean you are broken, please remember that.  
toyotaMOM: You may be aromantic, or lithromantic, maybe both or maybe something else  
toyotaMOM: Either way, I feel like you should tell Koganegawa at least part of what you’ve shared with me  
toyotaMOM: The easiest way would be to say you don't feel the same and reject him, if you two are close I’m sure you'll remain friends  
toyotaMOM: Or if you trust him enough, you could explain to him a little of how you feel and how unsure you are   
toyotaMOM: Ask him what he’s looking for in a relationship with you, and if you are uncomfortable with any of that, do let him know   
toyotaMOM: If he can’t understand then that’s ok, just tell him you can’t be in a relationship with him  
toyotaMOM: If he does understand and still accepts you and wants to try, perhaps you could try too, baby steps   
toyotaMOM: But do not push yourself, ok? If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, point it out immediately  
toyotaMOM: It may not be the most conventional relationship, but that isn’t important. What’s important is your feelings for each other  
toyotaMOM: And let him know that you might not feel the same way and might have to cut it off halfway, and if he still is willing to try then give it a chance

the frogs are turning gay: i  
the frogs are turning gay: really needed that   
the frogs are turning gay: thank you komori-san  
the frogs are turning gay: i think i'll try that tomorrow

toyotaMOM: You don’t need to use honorifics!   
toyotaMOM: Anything to help my children :)

the frogs are turning gay: you’ve accepted us as your children??? 

toyotaMOM: Well I have to, don’t I?  
toyotaMOM: I hope you’re feeling better now, Sakunami!

the frogs are turning gay: i am actually  
the frogs are turning gay: i think i’m gonna go to sleep now  
the frogs are turning gay: i’ll try what you said tomorrow

toyotaMOM: I wish you the best of luck! Sweet dreams :) 

the frogs are turning gay: thank you, komori-san

* * * * *

**06:54**

the frogs are turning gay: oh and sorry for the spam guys

* * * * *

**07:01**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: SAKUNAMI  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: BABY  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: THAT WAS NOT SPAM  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: spam is when SOME PEOPLE not mentioning any names coughtsuchiyucough fill the chat with useless song lyrics  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: it’s ok to have late night/early morning talks ok  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: we are here for you!!!!!!!!

h2o: YEAH  
h2o: also it's perfectly normal to not want to be in a relationship  
h2o: there's a whole spectrum of grey  
h2o: i’m asexual or ace aka i don’t like sex   
h2o: there's demiromantic/demisexual where you date/have sex with a person only if you’ve formed a super close bond with them  
h2o: there's a whole range of feelings like this so don't worry there's nothing wrong with you!

the frogs are turning gay: not liking sex isn't normal??

h2o: it is!!! but most people like it  
h2o: and are thirsty for it  
h2o: don't let people tell you that they can “”fix you”” because you aren't broken  
h2o: no one's said that to me probably cos i shaved my head lol but you're small and cute so don't let people take advantage of that

the frogs are turning gay: sir yes sir

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: also let us know how things with your teammate goes!!!!!

the frogs are turning gay: thank you guys all so much  
the frogs are turning gay: this is the best advice i’ve ever gotten  
the frogs are turning gay: i’m so glad i didn't ask futakuchi

h2o: do you hate this futakuchi person or something

the frogs are turning gay: no lol it may sound like that but hes actually a really good senpai!  
the frogs are turning gay: except that he gets really salty about everything and keeps fighting with our other senpais and sometimes our manager even puts him in timeouts when he gets too much

h2o: omg that sounds wi l d

the frogs are turning gay: i’m glad i didn’t tell him because i think he’d get way too concerned and try to help but that might make things worse  
the frogs are turning gay: after reading his messages with his boyfriends i don't think he'd really understand either

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: oh that's true

the frogs are turning gay: but he’s been elected as captain after the third years retire and i know he’s going to be a great one!!  
the frogs are turning gay: oh class is starting gtg

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: have a good day at school!!1! u too watari

h2o: you too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was quite personal and hurt a little to write, but i've come to terms with myself and feel much better than i did two years ago. if anyone out there is hurting or confused, remember that you're not alone and that there are always people there to support you!!  
> come talk to me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/kouraing)  
> thanks for reading! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb news and memes ensue :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE YOU SEEN HOSHIUMI AND KOMORI IN THE NEW EPISODE THEY LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL I SC R E A M ED  
> HIS "huh" IN THE MIDDLE OF SCREAMING TO KAGEYAMA  
> 

**15:22**

birds of prey: shit i'm in the car and the air conditioning is so damn cold  
birds of prey: can’t feel my fuckin f ace 

prada: when im with you

birds of prey: STOP breaking out into song

prada: NEVER  
prada: cant you just change the temperature 

birds of prey: no my mum is strict about touching things in the car 

prada: well then  
prada: suffer

birds of prey: :( 

* * * * *

**19:24**

human espresso: lately the news has all been too depressing

jared: yeah like bananas going extinct

h2o: why does everyone always talk about bananas  
h2o: they're not even that nice

jared: EXCUSE U BANANAS ARE GREAT  
jared: ESPECIALLY AFTER A MATCH

wheres my phone: o shit discourse going down in the banana fandom

Baby: Did you mean: Banana Fish

wheres my phone: oh that show  
wheres my phone: tendo wouldn't stop yelling about it   
wheres my phone: he tried convincing our coach to have a team outing to america so he could go to the new york library or whatever and cry about ash there

h2o: ASH DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE

Baby: If you don’t watch the last episode he doesn’t die!   
Baby: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

jared: WAIT HE DIES  
jared: WTF  
jared: ASFDHHHAJHASUED A

h2o: whoops

Baby: Oh no sorry about the spoilers Noya-san!!

jared: no itsok i knew alr

h2o: ???

jared: imJUST SAD,, :^(

human espresso: anyway  
human espresso: i didn’t want to see sad news all the time so i changed it to only show dumb news 

Baby: Oh I like uplifting news too!  
Baby: Like the boys being found in the cave in Thailand!

h2o: or the ozone layer fixing itself  
h2o: if we can fix that i'm sure we can fix a lot of other problems

jared: fix you - coldplay

wheres my phone: i mean we didn’t really fix it we just stopped fucking it

human espresso: “we stopped fucking it” 

jared: ITS LIKE GENITAL WARTS  
jared: stop fucking it might heal

h2o: AHSAHSAJDADHA

human espresso: w h y  
human espresso: ok anyway do you guys want to hear some dumb news

Baby: Ok!!

human espresso: this man who has been given a life sentence in jail dies and is pronounced dead  
human espresso: but then he is resuscitated and is alive again  
human espresso: and now he’s launching an appeal to say he’s served his life sentence

jared: OMG GOOD ONE 

wheres my phone: what they mean by life sentence is just a long enough time for a lifetime so

h2o: isn't life theoretically like 30 years?  
h2o: because people didn't live that long in the past  
h2o: prisons were so bad you couldn't even live 5 years there

jared: so a life sentence is 30 years??

wheres my phone: well no, it can be depending on good behaviour and stuff but generally it's a really long time 

jared: hMMM  
jared: I THINK WE SHOULD LET HIM OUT

h2o: that's not for you to decide LOL

Baby: But he must have done something really bad to get a life sentence right?

human espresso: well he was a murderer

jared: OK im reconsidering already

h2o: LMAOO

jared: did he do a good murder or bad

wheres my phone: “good murder”

jared: LIKE did he kill a criminal or his fam

human espresso: “he clubbed a man to death with the handle of a pickax”   
human espresso: you still want to let him out?

jared: UM no  
jared: ok next next next

human espresso: a 22 year old man is in the hospital and has tweezers removed from his urethra after inserting them 4 years previously when he was 18

Baby: Owwwwwwwwwwwwww

jared: was he trying to remove a kidney stone or something

wheres my phone: i don’t think that’s how you remove kidney stones..

human espresso: they wouldn’t say why it was there  
human espresso: but it was definitely there for four years, there was an xray and a diagram and all

jared: maybe he was trying to become a cyborg

wheres my phone: ah yes step one of becoming a cyborg: stick a pair of tweezers up your dick

jared: well u gotta start somewhere

human espresso: yes he also wrapped his arms in tin foil and put a circuit board on his forehead

jared: WAIT REALLY 

h2o: taped a bunch of wires to his chest and stuck leds in his eyes

jared: R U LEGIT  
jared: DID HE RLY

wheres my phone: no you dumbass

jared: >:(  
jared: imagine if u put leds in ur nose then sneezed  
jared: NEON SNOT

Baby: Wouldn’t they just come out?

jared: …

human espresso: ok next one isn’t from the news, i saw it on reddit  
human espresso: this guy put a rock in his ear and found it when he was way older

wheres my phone: oh i think i read that one too

human espresso: he was sick for 10 years of his life and he knew he had a rock in his ear but no one would believe him

jared: SOUNDS FUN

human espresso: even the doctors he kept going to didn’t believe him

h2o: “i can’t balance or hear and there's a ROCK in my ear” “naaaaah just take some antibiotics :))))”

jared: what would it feel like  
jared: if u put a rock in ur ear

human espresso: yuu DO NOT TRY THAT

jared: u could say id be………………….,.,.,.  
jared: stoned  
jared: haha good one 

h2o: …

wheres my phone: …

human espresso: …

Baby: Umi think you really shouldn’t do that, Noya-san! You might get seriously hurt (´-﹏-`；) /

jared: FINE maybe ryuu will do it 

* * * * *

**23:00**

prada: i was at the beach the other day

akaGAY: nice

prada: and there was a guy yelling HELP SHARK HELP

akaGAY: are there even sharks at the beach????

prada: i laughed because i knew the shark wasnt gonna help him  
prada: haha get it  
prada: hello  
prada: it's been five minutes are u laughing @ my awesome joke

akaGAY: NO  
akaGAY: that was TERRIBLE  
akaGAY: i hope you choke 

prada: on a dick ;)))))))

akaGAY: whatever   
akaGAY: your jokes suck

prada: no admit that it was funny  
prada: ITS FUNNY !!1!1  
prada: i told it to my team and we couldnt practice for like an hour because they were dying over it

akaGAY: your team is weird   
akaGAY: gnight i’m going bye

prada: IT WAS FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy

* * * * *

**10:18**

jared: PRADA YOUR JOKES R GR8

birds of prey: PRADA  
birds of prey: he’s called tsuchiyu 

jared: TSUCCHI

birds of prey: hey i have a joke wanna hear it

jared: u

birds of prey: no  
birds of prey: what do a plum and an elephant have in common

jared: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
jared: THEY R BOTH LIVING THINGS 

birds of prey: ..  
birds of prey: …………….

jared: DID I GET IT RIGHT  
jared: HA

birds of prey: noya what is a plum

jared: its a plant  
jared: plants are living things  
jared: big brain

birds of prey: a plum is a plant?

jared: isnt it ????????

birds of prey: dude.   
birds of prey: i know you’re dumb but like  
birds of prey:  _ Image Attached  
_ birds of prey: it’s a fruit   
birds of prey: .

jared: SHIT   
jared: OK BUT fruits are part of the plant so technically

birds of prey: never mind i give up

jared: NO TELL ME THE JOKE

birds of prey: YOU ARE THE JOKE

jared: NOOOO WHATS THE JOKE

birds of prey: FINE  
birds of prey: what do a plum and an elephant have in common

jared: idk what

birds of prey: they're both purple  
birds of prey: except the elephant

jared: WHAT  
jared: that doesnt even make SENSE 

birds of prey: “they're both living things” 

jared: SOTP ATTAKCING ME 

**_birds of prey_ ** _ renamed the chat to ‘ _ **_a plum is a plant big brain’_ **

jared: STOP

**_jared_ ** _ renamed the chat to  _ **_‘STOP’_ **

jared: >:((((((((((((((((((((  
jared: YOUR JOKES SUCK

birds of prey: no u

jared: UNO REVERSE CARD

birds of prey: MIRROR

jared: FUCK

birds of prey: haha sucker

jared: >>>>>>>:(((((

* * * * *

**12:48**

the frogs are turning gay: hi i know it’s late but  
the frogs are turning gay: should i get a piercing 

akaGAY: YES DO IT  
akaGAY: what piercings are you getting???

the frogs are turning gay: ehhhhh  
the frogs are turning gay: i already have the normal lobe piercings though i don’t wear them during practice  
the frogs are turning gay: maybe a helix or forward helix i’m still deciding

akaGAY: holy shit you're so cool dude  
akaGAY: forward looks like it hurts like crazy tho

the frogs are turning gay: hmm  
the frogs are turning way: i was thinking either a stud for forward or a ring for helix

akaGAY: how about bOTH  
akaGAY: one on each ear

the frogs are turning gay: hmmm  
the frogs are turning gay: i will consider  
the frogs are turning gay: shit i’m really considering it now

akaGAY: DO IT BB YOU'LL LOOK SO CUTE

the frogs are turning gay: okokok  
the frogs are turning gay: i’m kinda broke but Fashion

akaGAY: f a s h T i o n

akaGAY: SEND PICS

the frogs are turning gay: mm

* * * * *

**02:25**

jared: remember kids  
jared: appreciate what you what, be are the make you appreciate what you dad

birds of prey: STOP   
birds of prey: I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT

jared: f

* * * * *

**08:19**

human espresso: ffs yuu stop sending ridiculous messages in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping  
human espresso: and don’t encourage him komi

birds of prey: hai obaasan  
birds of prey: lol shit i meant okaasan

human espresso: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo. 

birds of prey: OMG YAKU U CAN MEME  
birds of prey: HOW TF DID U TYPE THAT FAST

human espresso: a magician never reveals his secrets  
human espresso: also of course i can meme i’m friends with you  
human espresso: you’re the biggest meme i know

birds of prey: omg i’m so flattened  
birds of prey: *****FLATTERED fuck autocorrect

human espresso: weird fetish but ok

birds of prey: NO GO AWAY   
birds of prey: also i think seijoh’s number 2 and 3 are the biggest memes ever  
birds of prey: i saw them waving a pepe flag during one of the matches but it got taken away

human espresso: it’s ok, i’m sure you’re the biggest joke out of them all anyway :)

birds of prey: every day. i get attacked by small men  
birds of prey: an autobiography by komi haruki   
birds of prey: coming to cinemas near you

human espresso: you can’t watch an autobiography???? 

birds of prey: oR CAN YOU

human espresso: that’s not how it works 

* * * * *

**15:03**

the frogs are turning gay:  _ Image Attached  
_ the frogs are turning gay:  _ Image Attached _

Baby: they look so good sakunami-san!!

h2o: cute 

the frogs are turning gay: hehe thanks  
the frogs are turning gay: i won’t be able to change them for a while tho these take longer to heal especially the forward helix but i’’m quite happy with them!

akaGAY: SAKU WHAT A CUTIE !:?:$/!&

the frogs are turning gay: thanks akagi-san!!!!!

h2o: akagi i thought you liked suna

akaGAY: I DO  
akaGAY: what, can a man not support his libero brothers??!??22!

Baby: Libero more like  
Baby: LiberHOE

akaGAY: WTF U CANT SWEAR UR A BABY

h2o: shibayama be livin the rebel life

Baby: Sorry Naoyasu told me that and I thought it was really funny!!

akaGAY: i’m starting to think you’re not as innocent as you seem

Baby: ...(｡•ˇ‸ˇ•｡) …

akaGAY: NVM I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BABY EVER 

Baby: ٩(๑>◡<๑)۶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss [redacted] :")  
> scream with me about haikyuu [here](https://twitter.com/kouraing)  
> !!  
> thanks for reading <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more noya facts + prada gets mystic messenger

**19:35**

birds of prey: what's a good thing to do with your boyfriend

toyotaMOM: Spend time with him!! Cuddle or watch a movie or go out for a meal!

birds of prey: but we already do all those   
birds of prey: i wanna do something different  
birds of prey: something fun

akaGAY: wow komi really  
akaGAY: right in front of my salad

birds of prey: ????????

akaGAY: making me sad BC I'M STILL #SINGLE  
akaGAY: stop rubbing it in my face ;-;

birds of prey: ask suna out then you coward

akaGAY: I AM working on it

birds of prey: back to my problem  
birds of prey: does no one have anything exciting to do??????

akaGAY: bdsm  
akaGAY: HANDCUFFS

birds of prey: are u this horny all the time

akaGAY: ..no

toyotaMOM: Oh! 

birds of prey: omg don’t tell me u like handcuffs too

toyotaMOM: NO!!   
toyotaMOM: I was going to say that I saw a challenge called “handcuffed to my best friend for a day”  
toyotaMOM: Is that exciting enough for you?

birds of prey: SOUNDS GR9  
birds of prey: aight imma do that

akaGAY: you should go out while handcuffed   
akaGAY: TRY TO PEE WHILE HANDCUFFED   
alaGAY: DRIVE 

birds of prey: i don't have a car  
birds of prey: and people will stare,,,,,. lol

toyotaMOM: Isn’t that what makes it “exciting” and “fun”, though?

akaGAY: TAKE THE TRAIN  
akaGAY: PLAY VOLLEYBALL 

birds of prey: SHIT WE SHOULD TRY THAT

toyotaMOM: That will definitely result in casualties..

birds of prey: NO IT SOUNDS FUN  
birds on prey: tiem 2 get some handcuffs from a shady online website sayonara bitches ;))

toyotaMOM: If anything happens, I was not involved

* * * * *

**22:12**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: elephants are almost more human than people  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i once saw an elephant storm into a river to save a man who he thought was drowning   
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: but he wasn’t drowning cos elephants are dumb lol

prada: did he get drowned by the elephant??

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: and then the elephant picked him up with his trunk, smashed his skull on a rock and made sure he did drown

prada: yeowch

* * * * *

**06:41**

jared: did you know

wheres my phone: no and i don't want to know

jared: the eiffel tower actually isnt made of metal

wheres my phone: w h a t

jared: its made of wood

wheres my phone: ???????

jared: they just carefully painted it so it would look like its made of metal  
jared: took like 10 centuries

wheres my phone: are you sure

jared: its actually not even done yet  
jared: every night a sneaky frenchman goes and paints it

wheres my phone: where do you even get these from

jared: #noyafacts

wheres my phone: ?????????

* * * * *

**12:04**

prada: we went to the aquarium today

Baby: Cool! what did you see?

prada: jellyfishhhhh  
prada: or sea jellies whatever   
prada: theyre so cute omg  
prada: did u know they have to have round tanks so that they dont hurt themselves  
prada: because their bodies are so soft

Baby: That’s so cute!!

h2o: did you see piranhas???

Baby: Do they even have piranhas in aquariums?

jared: OH ARE THOSE THE ONES THAT EAT DEAD SKIN FROM YOUR FEET

h2o: i think they'd eat your feet actually

jared: WHAT

prada: HAHAAHHA NOYA U IDIOT

jared: OI

Baby: Noya-san I think you mean the red garra fish, they’re used in fish spas!

prada: GAARA

jared: arent pirhanas fish???????

prada: piranhas are so cool

h2o: piranhas are like tiny shark

jared: BABY SHARK DODODODODODODODO  
jared: BABY SHARK DODODODODODO

h2o: WHY

jared: BABY SHARK DODODODODODDO  
jared: BABY SHARK DODODODODODO  
jared: BABY SHARK 

h2o: STOP

jared: MOMMY SHARK DODODODODOD  
jared: MOMMY SHARK DODODODODODO  
jared: MOMMY SHARK

_ [cut for length] _

* * * * *

**16:52**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: FRE SHA VACADODODODODO

human espresso: STOP. 

* * * * *

**22:39**

human espresso: by the way, how did it go with koganegawa @ the frogs are turning gay?

the frogs are turning gay: oh  
the frogs are turning gay: it went ok actually! 

human espresso: that’s good to hear

the frogs are turning gay: we talked it out after practice and we’re just going to try things out first  
the frogs are turning gay: i’m really happy because he was super understanding about everything

human espresso: nice!! if you ever need help or need someone to talk to, we’re always here for you

the frogs are turning gay: thank you yaku-san!

* * * * *

**23:09**

prada: mystic messenger is so dumb  
prada: like who tf would wake up at 3am just to talk to fake boys  
prada: my sister set like ten million alarms so she wont miss the chatrooms   
prada: whatever that is  
prada: but she paid me 1000 yen to not tell our mom so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

* * * * *

**23:53**

prada: H E L P she keeps screaming at me  
prada: “yoosung is so cute omg!!1!!11”  
prada: “zen” is super hot?????  
prada: i asked to see what they look like but she wont show me tf??  
prada: should i get it for the lolz  
prada: ok im getting it

* * * * *

**00:12**

prada: F UCCK WHY CANT U CHOOSE TO FOLLOW THIS UNKNOWN GUY  
prada: IT KEEPS GIVING ME A BAD END SCREEN  
prada: HES SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE RFA PEOPLE  
prada: ID LET HIM TOP ME ANY DAY  
prada: UNKNOWN WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

* * * * *

**00:36**

prada: .  
prada: im deleting it

* * * * *

**09:12**

jared: @ prada they have a route for him  
jared: but u have to buy it with hourglasses

prada: REALLY

jared: when u choose which story u want its the last one  
jared: theres casual, deep and another story  
jared: for jumin and seven u have to buy deep story for 80hg  
jared: for ray and v u have you have to buy another story for like 500??

prada: wait wheres unknown

jared: uhhhhhhh spoilers unknown is ray

prada: WTF 500 HOURGLASSES  
prada: I HAVE LIKE  
prada:1

jared: lol

prada: how do you even known so much about the game tho ???

jared: my classmate plays and she talks to me about them all the time   
jared: so i know everything muahahahahaha >:)

prada: holy shit how do you get 500 hourglasses 

jared: when the game first came out people used to hack it  
jared: by changing the time on their phone and getting the chatrooms  
jared: but those people got banned rip  
jared: then a few months later they got their account back because it was a first time offence or something and got a compensation of 500hg  
jared: but if u do it now ull get banned and wont get ur acc back

prada: WTFFFFFF  
prada: thats so unfair  
prada: so do i have to like  
prada: grind

jared: or u can exchange hearts for hg   
jared: bc u cant do shit w hearts  
jared: 100 hearts for 1hg

prada: ,,,,,,,,  
prada: so i have to play a lot before i can talk to unknown

jared: yap

prada: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
jared: BUY DEEP STORY AND GET SEVEN  
jared: HES THE BEST  
jared: MEME BOI 70707070707  
jared: DR PEPPER AND HONEY BUDDHA CHIPS BEST DIET 11/10  
jared: SEVEN NATION ARMY RISE UP

prada: NO I NEED TO SAVE UP FOR UNKNOWN

jared: his name is saeran btw

prada: MY BOI SAERAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sad when are yaku and noya going to come home in the new arc :( IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE SEEN EITHER OF THEM FURUDATE-SENSEI PLEASE,, (but he's going on a break this week i hope he gets well soon)  
> anyway  
> thanks for reading!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more jokes because i can  
> also tiny car adventure vroom vroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi if theres anyone actually still reading this thank you i love you and happy valentine's day <3

**12:30**

akaGAY: someone stole my bIKE LIGHT  
akaGAY: NOT EVEN THE WHOLE THING JUST THE LIGHT

Baby: Maybe they didn’t have a light for their own bicycle?  
Baby: Although most bicycles come with a light…

akaGAY: what would they do with the light anyway   
akaGAY: STICK IT UP THEIR NOSE MAYBE AND BECOME A CYBORG

Baby: Are you very angry?

akaGAY: no i'm just sad bc i had a pepe sticker on the light :///// this sucks

Baby: There’s a few bicycle shops that sell lights if you want me to recommend?

akaGAY: no its ok i just miss my sticker  
akaGAY: but thanks baby <33

Baby: You’re welcome!

* * * * *

**14:18**

prada: YALL R HOES LOL  
prada: :PPPPPPPP

* * * * *

**14:19**

h2o: ok you too

* * * * *

**14:22**

prada: SORRY THAT WAS TERUSHIMA  
prada: that fucker

* * * * *

**17:10**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: GUYS GUYS GUYS

jared: WHAT WHAT WHAT

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: I JUST FOUND OUT SOMETHING  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i was looking at the periodic table

jared: NERD

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: SHUT UP I'M NOT IN CLASS 10 FOR NOTHING  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: anyway LOOK WHAT I FOUND  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: YOU CAN SPELL LIBERO WITH THE ELEMENTS  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: lithium (Li) boron (B) erbium (Er) oxygen (O)  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ISN'T THAT COOL

**_WHY ARE YOU RUNNING_ ** _ renamed the chat to  _ **_‘lithium boron erbium oxygen’_ **

jared: WOA COOL  
jared: are u boron oxygen iodine uranium gallium yttrium??

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: no why

jared: cos BOI U GAY  
jared: sry i mean BOI U GaY

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: k

jared: POTASSIUM IS A VERY INTERESTING ELEMENT  
jared: UNLIKE THAT ANSWER U JUST GAVE

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: O K 

h2o: life advice: fluorine uranium carbon potassium bismuth technetium hydrogen einsteinium germanium thulium oxygen neon yttrium

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: FUCK BiTcHEs GeTmONeY  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i saw that meme before dont think ur so good mister

h2o: ...  
h2o: potassium

* * * * *

**20:56**

jared: joke time

toyotaMOM: Oh no…

jared: what do u call a fake pasta

toyotaMOM: I don’t know, what do you call a fake pasta? 

jared: an imPASTA 

toyotaMOM: Wow that’s so funny!11!1!1!1!

akaGAY: lol komori is dying

jared: of FUN  
jared: yesterday i watched a documentary on beavers

akaGAY: i don't believe you can even understand documentaries

jared: best dam documentary

akaGAY: you're so LAME

jared: i can walk tho????????

akaGAY: arGRHRSKSKNZVD

jared: OK LAST ONE I PROMISE   
jared: whats the diff between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue

toyotaMOM: You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna? 

jared: SMART 

akaGAY: wait what about the glue

jared: HAHA I KNEW YOUD GET STUCK ON THAT ONE

akaGAY: I HATE YOU 

* * * * *

**02:33**

h2o: why did the old man fall in the well  
h2o: .  
h2o: .  
h2o: .  
h2o: .  
h2o: because he couldn't see that well

* * * * *

**09:02**

akaGAY: ST O P

* * * * *

**10:04**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: what time is it

jared: THE TIME IS NOW

wheres my phone: time is this thing where we live in the present

akaGAY: 10:10

birds of prey: it’s go time bitches

the frogs are turning gay: four (4) types of people

prada: TIME ISN'T REAL

the frogs are turning gay: five (5) types of people

Baby: it’s 10:06 akama-san!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: thank you

the frogs are turning gay: six (6)

* * * * *

**13:41**

wheres my phone: my brother bought a toy car and he's going to ride it around campus

birds of prey: why???????? 

wheres my phone: idk but he's making me film it so i’ll send all the funny shit here

birds of prey: omg ok nice

* * * * *

**13:50**

wheres my phone:  _ Video Attached _   
wheres my phone: ok car has taken off  
wheres my phone: it's so noisy holy shit  
wheres my phone: sounds like a dying cat

* * * * *

**14:11**

wheres my phone: made it past the dorms  
wheres my phone: i think eita saw us but whatever   
wheres my phone:  _ Video Attached _

* * * * *

**14:17**

wheres my phone: we just went past the horses and they deadass NEIGHED at us   
wheres my phone:  _ Video Attached  
_ wheres my phone:  _ Video Attached  
_ wheres my phone: entering horse pens: failed  
wheres my phone: ok now we’re at the gyms but there’s no practice today luckily   
wheres my phone: SHIT A TEACHER JUST SAW US ABORT ABORT WE ARE RUNNINGAWAY

* * * * *

**14:20**

wheres my phone: ok we got away  
wheres my phone: we’re now at the carpark which isn’t a good place to be actually  
wheres my phone:  _ Image Attached  
_ wheres my phone: THE SEAT CAME OFF GDI   
wheres my phone: “help me fix it yamagata motors” HE THINKS I CAN HELP JUST BECAUSE I TAKE PHYSICS

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: you should take the seat and run lol

wheres my phone: but he promised to pay for all my meals for a week if i did this  
wheres my phone: can’t say no to free food

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: omg the car sounds like that lady in that skype laughter chain video

wheres my phone: SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT HAHAHA  
wheres my phone: DAMMIT HE ALMOST DROVE INTO A BUS WTF   
wheres my phone: gtg i need to film this

* * * * *

**14:27**

wheres my phone:  _ Video Attached  
_ wheres my phone: ^^brother almost dies.mp4  
wheres my phone: the wheel came off when he went over a bump and now he’s trying to fix it back but it is Not Working  
wheres my phone:  _ Image Attached _

* * * * *

**14:35**

jared: YAMAGATA UPDATE ON YOUR TINY CAR PLS

* * * * *

**14:47**

wheres my phone: both back wheels fell off :)  
wheres my phone: we had to drag it back to the dorms and now he has to keep it in his room until he finds another use for it

prada: rip yamagatas brothers car

jared: F

prada: F

* * * * *

**17:24**

toyotaMOM: I just saw this interesting poll, would you choose to have three hands or three eyes?

h2o: three hands of course  
h2o: everything would be so much easier

jared: THREE EYES  
jared: YOU COULD SEE SO MUCH MORE

h2o: but with three hands you could hold more things  
h2o: like if your hands are full from shopping or something you have an extra hand to use your phone  
h2o: you could BLOCK WITH THREE HANDS

jared: BUT IF YOU HAD THREE EYES YOU COULD SEE MORE

h2o: you just said that

jared: YEAH BUT  
jared: the eye could be on the back of your head then u could see everything behind u  
jared: OR IF THE EYE IS IN YOUR BODY U COULD SEE UR ORGANS AND SELF DIAGNOSE

toyotaMOM: We don’t have any medical knowledge though?

jared: well  
jared: it would still b cool to see ur organs

h2o: but it’s not like your eye can move around   
h2o: like if it’s looking at your liver, you’d just be seeing your liver all the time

jared: ….  
jared: so what  
jared: cry me a liver

h2o: did you just-

jared: MIC DROP

toyotaMOM: Never mind, I regret ever asking 

* * * * *

**03:15**

jared: tfw u trip and spaghetti falls out of your pocket

* * * * *

**07:07**

human espresso: yuu wtf  
human espresso: don’t tell me you stayed up watching vines again  
human espresso: vine is dead, deal with it

jared: NO  
jared: U CAN PRY VINE FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS  
jared: @ birds of prey BACK ME UP

human espresso: KOMI YOU BETTER NOT

birds of prey: OH MY GOD

human espresso: fml not this again

jared: WHAT IS IT SUSAN

birds of prey: I LEFT MY COOKIES IN THE OVEN

jared: YOU LEFT YOUR COOKIES IN THE OVEN?????

birds of prey: I LEFT MY COOKIES IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!!

jared: U LEFT UR COOKIES IN THE OVEN??????????????

birds of prey: I LEFT MY COOKIES IN THE OVEN!!!!11!!!!1!1!1

human espresso: OK I GET IT PLEASE STOP

jared: ok <3

human espresso: …  
human espresso: <3

* * * * *

**11:20**

prada: i just ate lasagna  
prada: omg im just like garfield

Baby: you have the guts. the fucking gall, to sit here right in front of me, and call yourself “garfield the cat”. you have the fucking audacity to say these words in front of me. to put anyone on the same level of gargfield. “i ate one lasagna im just like garfield”. you have the fucking nerve, to cal yourself “garlfield”, iconic cat, because you ate one lasagan,

prada: i  
prada: ?????????

Baby: Just kidding! ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

prada: i am. Scared

* * * * *

**16:09**

akaGAY: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

the frogs are turning gay: what what what what

akaGAY: i  
akaGAY: finally asked suna

jared: ASKED HIM OUT??

akaGAY: nooooooo  
akaGAY: i asked him to the movies

birds of prey: omg CONGRATS DUDE

akaGAY: THANKS

birds of prey: when’s the movie

akaGAY: uhhhhhhhhh tmr

jared: U ASKED HIM SO LATE???????

akaGAY: I WAS SCARED OK  
akaGAY: i wanted to ask him yesterday but we didn’t have practice and he wasn’t at his class when i checked

jared: rip

akaGAY: anyway i’m scared pls help  
akaGAY: i feel like he’s gonna judge me so hard tomorrow

birds of prey: for what??

akaGAY: IDK i just have this feeling

jared: in ur balls

akaGAY: he’s so chill and cool and stuff  
akaGAY: vs me

the frogs are turning gay: a crackhead

akaGAY: aCTUALLY  
akaGAY: i’LL HAVE YOU KNOW  
akaGAY: i’m not actually this weird irl

birds of prey: sounds fake but ok

jared: so u admit ure weird

akaGAY: .  
akaGAY: and i’m his senpai so i shouldn’t really feel inferior to him but i still kinda do

the frogs are turning gay: is he super smart or something?

akaGAY: in volleyball yeah but he’s in class 1 so idk

birds of prey: dude just be yourself  
birds of prey: this is the first time you’re going out with him right  
birds of prey: just enjoy it and don’t think too much

jared: if ure too aware abt everything then itll become awkward

akaGAY: hm interesting  
akaGAY: ok will take note thanks guys  
akaGAY: what should i wear

jared: clothes

akaGAY: YOU DON’T SAY

birds of prey: shirt + jeans  
birds of prey: casual  
birds of prey: don’t try too hard 

akaGAY: but what if he dresses super formally then he’ll think i don’t care

the frogs are turning gay: but it’s not really a date right? so you don’t really have to dress to impress  
the frogs are turning gay: and you’re going for a movie not a dinner, so anything casual would be fine i think

jared: wear a dress i bet hell nUT  
jared: THIGH HIGHS  
jared: CROP TOP  
jared: BOOTY SHORTS

akaGAY: NOYA STOP

jared: :D

akaGAY: right anyway thanks a lot guys 

jared: YOURE WELCOME

akaGAY: NOT you noya  
akaGAY: i’m gonna sleep now so i don’t wake up late tmr  
akaGAY: THANKS YALL 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny car adventure inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTbnAYgj1aY)  
> someone ship akasuna with me please ;-; i love them so much


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akasuna date :D  
> and more jokes because i love jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you see noya in the new episode i love him so much

**02:25**

jared: its called gay rights because im gay and im always right

* * * * *

**09:18**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: go make your own foot scrub

h2o: first of all, feet are very hard to make  
h2o: second of all, never call me a scrub again

akaGAY: what the fuck

h2o: AKAGI ARE YOU ON YOUR DATE

akaGAY: no it’s only 9am wtf  
akaGAY: i woke up like 5 minutes ago

jared: thats so late

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: well what time do you wake up at noya

jared: 7AM

akaGAY: AND YET YOU CAN SEND WEIRD SHIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

jared: ehhhhhhhh  
jared: like some1 once said  
jared: time isnt real

akaGAY: ……..  
akaGAY: whatever i’m going now

h2o: good luck!!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: use protection!!

akaGAY: IT’S NOT A DATE   
akaGAY: (wish it was tho)

jared: HA

* * * * *

**12:59**

birds of prey: noya are you online

jared: hi bro

birds of prey: nice  
birds of prey: what will you be having?

jared: steak

birds of prey: how would you like your steak?

jared: on a plate

birds of prey: no i mean how would you like it cooked

jared: on a stove

birds of prey: get out

* * * * *

**13:10**

wheres my phone: i like how nishinoya and komi immediately know what vine the other is referring to from the first line  
wheres my phone: that’s true bromance right there

birds of prey: Dedication™

* * * * *

**15:08**

jared: pun time

akaGAY: NOT NOW WE’RE HAVING LUNCH

jared: HOWS IT GOING

akaGAY: oh it’s going

jared: what

akaGAY: movie was amazing, 11/10  
akaGAY: he’s ordering for us now  
akaGAY: i think i like him even more now kshsjdh

jared: omg  
jared: did anything spicy happen :O

akaGAY: well not “spicy”  
akaGAY: after the movie we talked about dumb shit and i told him your lame jokes

jared: AYYYYYY

akaGAY: he thought they sucked too :P  
akaGAY: aND HIS SMILE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER  
akaGAY: shit he’s coming back gotta blast

jared: GOOD LUCK ON UR DATE

akaGAY: IT’S NOT A DATE

* * * * *

**16:32**

prada: there was a lady walking her dog and i thought it was a chicken???

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ?????

prada: ?????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ??????

prada: ???????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ?????????

prada: ??????????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ?????????

prada: ?????????????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ??????????????

prada: ?????????????????

* * * * *

**17:10**

human espresso: i need help  
human espresso: is laser eye surgery dangerous?

Baby: Given that a lot of people do it, I don’t think so?

human espresso: my mum’s thinking of getting and i want to know if there’s any bad repercussions

birds of prey: and you decided to ask us?????? omg yaku

human espresso: well i just wanted to hear from first hand experience   
human espresso: and the internet can be shady sometimes

jared: but dont let that deceive, cuz i got balls

human espresso: yuu stop with your obscure internet memes no one understands

jared: n e v e r

Baby: The surgery corrects the eyesight so the person doesn’t have to wear glasses anymore right? I think if you just take care of your eyes after that it should be ok

human espresso: i was thinking that too   
human espresso: but does it still get worse when you get old?

jared: if u get laser eye surgery can you shoot lasers from your eyes

human espresso: that’s  
human espresso: not how it works

birds of prey: i think you should consult google and not us LOL

human espresso: you are right

jared: IT WAS A GENUINE QUESTION

human espresso: no, yuu, you can’t shoot lasers from your eyes if you get laser eye surgery. 

jared: OK THANK YOU

* * * * *

**17:53**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: it’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks

wheres my phone: why would i do that

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: it’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free

* * * * *

**18:44**

prada: the sky is falling down

the frogs are turning gay: more like the sun is going down

prada: i need to get in somewhere fast

the frogs are turning gay: and now i’m yelling where’s my pickaxe

prada: I  
prada: ITS GONNA TAKE A COUPLE LEFT CLICKS

the frogs are turning gay: and my right hand

prada: FOR THE MOBS TO SEE IM NOT THE ONE WHOS GOT IT BAD  
prada: OMG YOU KNOW IT

the frogs are turning gay: of course

prada: !!!!!!!!!!! U LEGEND

the frogs are turning gay: legends never forget

* * * * *

**19:07**

jared: LA Metro Code of Conduct

h2o: noya and capitalisation?? am i dreaming?????

jared: Do Not Feed Birds

h2o: ok…

birds of prey: Do Not Kick Birds

h2o: what are you two doing  
h2o: is this another one of those weird memes no one gets  
h2o: i bet all of these are just made up by you two

jared: Do Not Yell “Bird!”

h2o: i guess that’s a yes

birds of prey: Do Not Sit On Birds

jared: Do Not Sell Birds

birds of prey: Do Not Litter Birds

jared: Do Not Impress the Birds

birds of prey: Do Not Feed Birds to Birds

jared: NO BIRDS

* * * * *

**19:38**

akaGAY: GUESS WHO’S BACK BITCHESSS  
akaGAY: THAT WENT SO WELL I’M SO HAPPY 

prada: SPILL SPILL WHATS THE TEA

alaGAY: NO TEA   
akaGAY: BUT  
akaGAY: i walked him home  
akaGAY: AND HE HAS A CAT SHE’S SO CUTE AND SHES CALLED KAZE ISN’T THAT COOL

prada: wait wait wait  
prada: his name is suna right

akaGAY: yea

prada: DOES HE LIKE NARUTO

akaGAY: idk????? 

prada: ASK HIM

akaGAY: why

prada: BECAUSE  
prada: suna = a village in naruto  
prada: kaze = the country its in  
prada: COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT

akaGAY: shit  
akaGAY: he had a keychain of a guy on his bag maybe it’s from naruto

prada: what did it look like

akaGAY: some red haired guy?? wearing a black coat  
akaGAY: oh i think there was a red cloud on it too or something like that

prada: SASORI  
prada:  _ Image Attched  
_ prada: WAS IT THIS GUY

akaGAY: yeah looks like

prada: DUDE   
prada: UR SO LUCKY  
prada: PLS ASK HIM OUT

akaGAY: ???? i mean i want to

prada: NO U DONT UNDERSTAND  
prada: HIS NAME IS SUNA AND HIS CATS CALLED KAZE AND HE HAS A SASORI KEYCHAIN = NARUTO FAN

akaGAY: ok and?? 

prada: AND  
prada: IF YOU GET TOGETHER YOUR SHIP NAME WOULD BE AKASUNA   
prada: WHICH IS SASORIS SURNAME  
prada: KINDA   
prada: COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT U HAVE TO ASK HIM OUT 

akaGAY: i  
akaGAY: fucK DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS

prada: PROBABLY 

akaGAY: maybe next time i’ll ask him if he likes naruto  
akaGAY: OH RIGHT   
akaGAY: so i dropped him off and saw his cat and yelled bc i’m a slut for cats 

prada: not good if hes gonna be ur future bf then he’ll have competition

akaGAY: stfu i just like cats   
akaGAY: she’s super friendly too and i was stroking her   
akaGAY: THEN HE SAID I COULD GO OVER NEXT TIME IF I WANTED TO SINCE I LIKE HIS CAT SO MUCH 

prada: DUDE NICE  
prada: bring him flowers next time

akaGAY: that’s so gay

prada: u are literally gay

akaGAY: shut your fuck up  
akaGAY: anyway he smiled a lot today too  
akaGAY: i say a lot maybe like five times  
akaGAY: but that’s way more than during practice sO i think that’s a good thing   
akaGAY: ALSO WHAT SHOULD I SAVE HIS CONTACT NAME AS

prada: SUNA WITH HEARTS

akaGAY: NO HE’LL SEE 

prada: then what about with a cat emoji  
prada: since he has a cat

akaGAY: good idea   
akaGAY: ok gtg mom is yellin @ me   
akaGAY: BUT THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A BRO ILY BRO NO HOMO

prada: LY TOO NO HOMO GOOD LUCK W SUNA 

akaGAY: THANKS 

* * * * *

**21:41**

jared: cant believe  
jared: caNOT believe   
jared: uNABLE to believe

wheres my phone: it’s not butter

jared: THAT AKAGI AND HIS BF ARE GONNA BE THE ULTIMATE WEED COUPLE

wheres my phone: weed??? 

jared: WEEB*****  
jared: CANT BELEUEV  
jared: CANR BELEEUV  
jared: CANT BELEIVE

wheres my phone: can't spell either apparently

jared: SHUT UP  
jared: I CANT BELIEVE

akaGAY: you butter believe it   
akaGAY: dattebay000000000!!!

jared: NO

prada: GUYS my sister just told me this dumb joke but she thinks its the funniest shit ever  


akaGAY: what is it

prada: what is a gay sharks favourite food

jared: what does a normal shark even eat

akaGAY: all the hopes and dreams of little children

jared: wow ok

wheres my phone: oh i've heard this one before  
wheres my phone: it's sea men

prada: YEAH

jared: why

akaGAY: ALSKDFHLMAOOOOOOO

jared: OH WAIT

prada: YEAH IT SOUNDS LIKE SEMEN AND SHE THINKS ITS SO FUNNY  
prada: like bitch please, my jokes are way better than that

akaGAY; no they're not

prada: mean

jared: SPEAKING OF SHARK JOKES I HAVE ONE WANNA HEAR

akaGAY: NO

wheres my phone: yeah sure go ahead

jared: haha hear that akagi one person likes my jokes >:)

akaGAY: whatever

jared: ok so  
jared: two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day  
jared: the first one was called justin and the second was called kristian

akaGAY: why would anyone name a prawn that

wheres my phone: let him tell the joke come on

jared: they were continually chased by a shark that inhabited the area  
jared: one day justin had had enough  
jared: he said to kristian, "im fed up with being a prawn. i wish i was a shark. then i wouldnt have to worry about being eaten all the time."  
jared: as he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "your wish is granted!"  
jared: and believe it or not, that justin turned into a fearsome shark

akaGAY: where's the joke

prada: look in the mirror and youll find one

akaGAY: tsuchiyu,,,, you wound me

prada: :)

jared: kristian was horrified and immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend  
jared: as time went by, justin found his time as a shark to be boring and lonely  
jared: none of his old friends would let him near them as they thought he would eat them, and so they just swam away whenever he approached

prada: f in chat for justin

wheres my phone: f

jared: it took awhile, but justin finally realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight  
jared: then one day, as he was swimming all alone as usual, he saw the mysterious cod again  
jared: he thought it would be better if he went back to his old life, so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back  
jared: the cod worked its magic and suddenly justin was a prawn once more  
jared: with tears of joy streaming down his cheeks, justin swam straight to kristians home

akaGAY: he's a prawn how can he cry

jared: as he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back  
jared: he banged on the door and said, "kristian! its me justin, your old friend! come on and see me again!"  
jared: kristian replied, "no way! you're a shark now and you'll just eat me! im not being tricked into being your dinner"  
jared: justin shouted back, "no im not a shark anymore, that was the old me! i changed! ive found cod! im prawn again, kristian!"

prada: HAHAHAHAHAASFDKLJSF

wheres my phone: PRAWN AGAIN LMAOO

akaGAY: THAT was the joke???????

jared: sorry my jokes are too hard for u to understand akagi-san

akaGAY: your jokes are TERRIBLE

jared: actually its not even my joke i stole it off reddit  
jared: lol

akaGAY: reddit sucks

wheres my phone: HOW can you say that  
wheres my phone: reddit is my lifeblood  
wheres my phone: i live and breathe reddit  
wheres my phone: oxygen who?? i only know reddit  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friend is writing a hiruhoshi fic and it's AMAZING so please check it out, it's [Guiding Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797739/chapters/54481114)  
> by Kurapikasdad !!  
> as always, thank for reading <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karasuno throws a birthday party for ennoshita!!!  
> (but it's not his birthday???)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi how's everyone doing!! i'm running on like 3 hours of sleep,,,, sorry for not posting last week, i was swamped in school work ugh ><

**01:05**

jared: with two minutes comes great rice 

* * * * *

**07:28**

toyotaMOM: I’m sure it takes longer than two minutes to cook rice 

* * * * *

**09:45**

birds of prey: guys i’ve been thinking

human espresso: that’s never a good sign

birds of prey: HEY 

human espresso: :)

birds of prey: anyway as i was saying   
birds of prey: WE SHOULD ALL MEET UP ONE DAY 

human espresso: sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

birds of prey: IT WOULD BE FUN  
birds of prey: WE COULD PLAY VOLLEYBALL 

human espresso: komi we’re all liberos 

birds of prey: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhH  
birds of prey: IT WOULD STILL BE FUN 

human espresso: see what the others think before planning anything 

birds of prey: yes maam

* * * * *

**10:29**

jared: ok bois get in were going shopping  
jared: shit wrong chat sRy

h2o: no go on

jared: coconuts or normal party cups quick

h2o: coconuts obviously  
h2o: you’re throwing a party?

jared: YEAH a surprise party for chikara  
jared:  _ Image Attached _

h2o: isn’t his birthday in december or something??

jared: yeah well who doesnt like celebrating birthdays

h2o: so you’re just gonna throw a party even though it’s not his birthday???

jared: duh  
jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: look at this balloon its so lit

h2o: wow that’s a big one

jared: no its a 9

h2o: i  
h2o: you know what i’m not even going to say anything 

jared: k  
jared: ok wait we gotta walk back but partys gonna be HAWAII THEMED 

h2o: i really pity ennoshita  
h2o: but that lowkey sounds really lit ngl

* * * * *

**12:54**

birds of prey: has anyone played borderlands 2 before?????

wheres my phone: no why

birds of prey: there’s this robot that speaks in a really high pitched voice  
birds of prey: AND THIS GUY IN THE GAME JUST SAID  
birds of prey: “apologies but when claptrap speaks i feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one” HAHAHAHAHSHDJENS

wheres my phone: that’s literally me when noya spews his “facts”

birds of prey: HAHAHAHSHSH OMG 

jared: HEY MY FACTS ARE GOOD

wheres my phone: sure keep telling yourself that

jared: >:(  
jared: ANYWAY DO U WANNA SEE THE PROGRESS OF THE PARTY  
jared:  _ Video Attached   
_ jared:  _ Video Attached   
_ jared: ISNT IT GOOD

wheres my phone: woah that’s actually not bad  
wheres my phone: and is that in your gym??

jared: yEAH coach let us skip practice to do the party in the gym  
jared: THE CAKE JUST CAME  
jared:  _ Image Attached _

birds of prey: did you photoshop a blunt and shades on ennoshita  
birds of prey: and make that a cake

jared: YES HIZASHIS PHOTOSHOPPING SKILLS ARE SUPER PRO  
jared: omg they even got 420 CANDLES   
jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: BLAZE IT 

wheres my phone: wasn’t this a hawaii themed party

jared: we combined it  
jared: everyones wearing hula skirts and those flower necklace things PLUS shades no blunt tho :(  
jared: BUT RYUUS DOING THE SPECIAL HONOURS OF WEARING THE COCONUT BIKINI  
jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: so chikara can see his Hot Bod and maybe like him back LOL

birds of prey: wait the candles say 420 but you got a number 9 balloon??

jared: u see  
jared: we told chikara today had a practice match with another team but thats actually next week so hes gonna wear his jersey AKA number 6  
jared: so were gonna stick the 9 there  
jared: B)

birds of prey: nice

wheres my phone: i really. really pity ennoshita  
wheres my phone: what has he done to deserve this

jared: YOU SAY THAT LIKE THIS IS A BAD THING  
jared: HAVING TWO BIRTHDAY PARTIES IS EXCITING  
jared: ok wait hes coming gtg BYE

* * * * *

**13:16**

prada: did u know a spider can hold 8 guns at once

akaGAY: how does it WALK

prada: did u know a spider can hold 7 guns at once

* * * * *

**13:20**

jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: MMMMMM CAKE  
jared: WHO WANTS SOME

prada: MEMEMEME

jared: OK HOW MUCH

prada: one tablespoon pls

jared: how many teaspoons r in a tablespoon

prada: 7 years

jared: ok coming right uP  
jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: MOUNTAIN DEW YUM

prada: ew mountain dew is like asparagus piss  
prada: radioactive asparagus piss

jared: this tastes weird  
jared: MAYBE ITS SPIKED :Ooo

prada: or maybe thats just bc mountain dew tastes like SHIT   
prada: how is it spiked youre all underage

jared: IDK MAYBE COACH SPIKED IT  
jared: HAHA SPIKED  
jared: GET IT  
jared: BECAUSE HE PLAYS VOLLEYBALL

prada: yes i get it noya  
prada: i dont think u shd drink the mountain dew?? whatever it is

jared: nahhhhh everyones drinking it its fiNe

prada: ok while itd be funny to see u drunk i still think u shouldnt drink that anymore

jared: nAAAAgahhhs sfienee

prada: are you that much of a lightweight or just really bad at typing with one hand????

jared: :@$;!33

prada: ????  
prada: ??????

* * * * *

**13:49**

human espresso: …yuu are you ok  
human espresso: i have a feeling that drink might have been spiked though that shouldn’t even be allowed

jared: coAch said hd spileld his alcogol intothe miuntain dew  
jared: mmmmmmmmmmmmmountaindew

human espresso: how much of that have you drunk?

jared: like two cpus?!  
jared: hahahagahaha cpu

human espresso: are the rest of your team still there

jared: yEa shouyoy is running sroudn eith kagayama and ryuus seducign chikara withis cocoNutS   
jared: haha nuts  
jared: idk where third years r

human espresso: alright, do you have water that you can drink? it should help you sober up a little

jared: in mybag

human espresso: go drink it ok? i don’t want you to get hurt while in this state, especially with your practice match coming up next week

jared: ok  
jared: og yeah morisuke

human espresso: yes?

jared: my friend thnks urbcute

human espresso: ...and who might that be

jared: me  
jared: im thr friend

human espresso: yuu?

jared: yes babde

human espresso: go and drink some water

jared: ok<3

human espresso: <3

* * * * *

**13:55**

birds of prey: BREAKING NEWS   
birds of prey: NOYA IS AN EXTREME LIGHTWEIGHT  
birds of prey: I REPEAT  
birds of prey: NOYA IS A LIGHTWEIGHT  
birds of prey: KEEP THAT IN MIND @ human espresso ;))))))))))

* * * * *

**14:12**

human espresso: yes i’ll keep that in mind and make sure the next time he ever drinks it’ll never be more than one glass so that he doesn’t get drunk. i’ll always have water on me so that for some reason if he does become intoxicated, he can sober up and not have such a pounding headache the next morning. i’ll control my own drinking so that at least one of us is always in their right mind and can take care of him in case anything were to happen, can take him back home safely so his mother never worries.   
human espresso: is that what you wanted to hear?

birds of prey: i  
birds of prey: DAMN YAKU WHY U GOTTA BE SO SMOOTH ALL THE TIME  
birds o prey: ngl you kinda sound like akaashi when he talks about bokuto

human espresso: well  
human espresso: it’s no secret that i love yuu with all my being and will do anything to keep him safe and happy for as long as i can

birds of prey: yknow what  
birds of prey: tha’s so fucking sweet i’m not even angry  
birds of prey: brb just gonna cry to aki abt how cute you two are

human espresso: :)

* * * * *

**14:36**

jared: holy shit  
jared: my name  
jared: is nishinoya yuu  
jared: karasuno high school   
jared: 2nd year class 3  
jared: and i love my boyfriend yaku morisuke so so much  
jared: he means the world to me  
jared: my light  
jared: my love  
jared: my one and only  
jared: my everything  
jared: im so gay

birds of prey: WHO ALLOWED YOU TO BE THAT SWEET TOO  
birds of prey: STOP BEING GAY FOR ONE SECOND DAMMIT

jared: Gays in your chat? It’s more likely than you think. Click here now for a free PC check. 

birds of prey: no go away  
birds of prey: also i’m seriously tempted to add akinori in to say cute shit like this to him too

jared: but u can just say it to him without adding him in

birds of prey: tru but if i do he’ll probably just hit me cos he gets embarrassed by things like this  
birds of prey: WAIT ACTUALLY   
birds of prey: that sounds fun imma go do that brb

jared: hope u dont get shorter if he hits u

birds of prey: OI

jared: :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly i don't know what's going on anymore  
> also happy white day!

**17:21**

prada: they call me a metronome

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok

prada: no youre supposed to ask why

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: why

prada: because im a gnome on a metro  
prada: not because im good at counting time  
prada: whenever people see me they go “oh look its that gnome on the metro again”

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: if i saw you i’d call you a gnome too

prada: >:(

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: or a goblin  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: gnoblin

prada: >:(((((

* * * * *

**19:10**

Baby: Joke time!!!

akGAY: NO SHUT UP  
akaGAY: wait shit sorry i thought it was noya go on

Baby: If plants are sad, do other plants photosymphatise with them?

akaGAY: i  
akaGAY: yEAH

Baby: What do you call a pile of cats?

akaGAY: idk what do you call them??

Baby: A meowntain!!

akaGAY: omg too cute  
akaGAY: tell me more

Baby: What do you call a strawberry robbing a bank?

akaGAY: berry theft??? idk

Baby: A strobbery!!!

akaGAY: S TROBERRY shit

Baby: How do you organise a space party?

akaGAY: WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE  
akaGAY: you plANET

Baby: Yeah!!  
Baby: Who built King Authur’s round table?

akaGAY: idk who tf is king authur

Baby: Sir Cumference!!!!!! Lol

akaGAY: sorry shibayama your puns are too advanced for a old man like me

Baby: Ok boomer

akaGAY: DID YOU JUST

Baby: Sorry! (´・ω・｀) 

akaGAY: it’s ok i forgive u  
akaGAY: but only cos youre a baby

Baby: ><!!

* * * * *

**08:01**

the frogs are turning gay: what if the g in gif is silent

human espresso: get that devil sentence away from me i’m not starting my morning like this you heathen

the frogs are turning gay: what gif i don’t want to

human espresso: d i e

* * * * *

**10:04**

birds of prey: ok but we really should meet up one day  
birds of prey: you miyagi plebs can come to tokyo and we’ll show you nice things like the skytree

jared: SKYTREE???????? 

birds of prey: YES

jared: I WANNA SEE THE SKYTREE  
jared: WHEN R WE MEETING

birds of prey: idk but it can’t be before nationals  
birds of prey: we all have practice so there’s not enough time 

jared: tHERES ALWAYS TIME FOR A SOOooOooOng

birds of prey: :)  
birds of prey: time is a tool you can put on the wall

jared: or wear it on your rizd

birds of prey: the past is far behind us

jared: the future doesnt exist

birds of prey: what’s the time?

jared: its quarter to nine

birds of prey: time to have a bath

jared: what do you meeeeeeean we’re already clean!!!

birds of prey: scrub scrub scrub till the water’s BROWN

h2o: what have i walked in on AGAIN?????????

jared: time is a ruler to measure the day

birds of prey: it doesn’t go backward, only one way

jared: watch it go round like a merry go round

birds of prey: going so fast like a merry go round

jared: LETS GO ON A JOURNEY

birds of prey: A JOURNEY THROUGH TIME

jared: A TIME THATS CHANGING ALL THE TIME

birds of prey: IT’S TIME TO GO TO TIME

_[cut for length]_

* * * * *

**11:11**

h2o: I JUST SEARCHED THAT /THING/ YOU GUYS WERE TYPING  
h2o: WTF DO YOU WATCH IN YOUR FREE TIME???  
h2o: AND YOU EVEN MEMORISED IT???

Baby: What was it?

h2o: nonono shibayama you’re still a kid you can’t watch that  
h2o: whatever you do DO NOT search for that  
h2o: i’m protecting you that thing will scar you for l i f e

Baby: Um ok? Is it really that bad?

h2o: y e s

birds of prey: NOOO IT’S NOT  
birds of prey: IT’S FUNNY  
birds of prey: WATCH THE CREATIVITY ONE  
birds of prey: oH you should watch happy tree friends that’s cool too  
birds of prey: and strawfingers

Baby: Oh! Naoyasu showed me Strawfingers but it was all in English and I didn’t really understand  
Baby: He has a nice voice though!

h2o: komi don’t scar him he’s just a KID

birds of prey: BUT

h2o: nononono  
h2o: shibayama stay safe don’t watch whatever he said to  
h2o: think of what your boyfriend would say!!!!!!!  
h2o: clicking on links that strangers on the internet send you!!!!!!!!

birds of prey: HEY I’M NOT A STRANGER  
birds of prey: AND I DIDN’T EVEN SEND ANY LINKS WTF WATARI

Baby: You’re right Watari-san

h2o: ofc i am

Baby: I shall heed your advice

h2o: nice

Baby: And watch it with Naoyasu instead!!

birds of prey: HAGSHSHSHS NICE ONE SHIBAYAMA

h2o: WHY does no one LISTEN to me evER

* * * * *

**12:33**

jared: justice is best served cold

wheres my phone: is it though

jared: because if it were served warm it would be justwater

wheres my phone: .  
wheres my phone: and i think you need to justshutup

jared: :(

* * * * *

**15:19**

jared: guess how many marks i got for my english test

akaGAY: is this another one of your dumb jokes BECAUSE YOU BETTER STOP

jared: nono it isnt i promise  
jared: guess

akaGAY: idk like 5

jared: WRONG   
jared: i got 20

akaGAY: ok and then

jared: get it   
jared: because  
jared: marks: twain-ty

akaGAY: YOU SAID IT WASN’T A DUMB JOKE

jared: ITS NOT DUMB  
jared: ok but i really got 20/100 pls help m

akaGAY: no you deserve to s u f f e r  
akaGAY: and how do you even know who mark twain is you’re not smart enough for that

jared: >:(  
jared: I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE

akaGAY: i bet you watched that bungou no stray dogs whatever show

jared: BUNGOU STRAY DOGS U DUMB

akaGAY: RUDE i was gonna help you but i just changed my mind

jared: whAT NOOOOOOO PLS IM FAILING 

akaGAY: then p e r i s h

jared: NOOOOOO  
jared: HELP ME   
jared: PLEASEEEEEE  
jared: PLEASE AKAGI UR MY ONLY HOPE  
jared: IDK WHO ELSE TO ASK   
jared: I HAVE NO FRIENDS PLS  
jared: PSPSPSPSPSPSPS

akaGAY: don’t pspspsps at me i’m not a CAT

jared: PLS   
jared: ILL DO ANYTHING 

akaGAY: anything????

jared: YES

akaGAY: really?????????

jared: YES REALLY

akaGAY: ok fine  
akaGAY: i can’t think of anything good right now so you better hold your word to that

jared: THANKS AKAGI

akaGAY: i’m helping you and no honorifics? how rude

jared: AKAGI-SAN  
jared: AKAGI- SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

akaGAY: JK LMAO  
akaGAY: ok what do u need help with

jared: EVERYTHING IDK ANYTHIGN

akaGAY: wow what a great place to start

jared: WAIT NO ILL SEND U MY HOMEWORK PLS DONT GO AWAY

akaGAY: ok but i’m only going to teach you not help you do it understand????? don’t be a freeloader

jared: ROGER THAT YES SIR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aa my birthday's coming in a few days and i wanna spend it at a cat cafe and arcade ><
> 
> thanks for reading!! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realised warari is always suffering because of all the memes. lol

**17:44**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: GUYS   
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: DID YOU KNOW THERE’S A PLACE CALLED LE TAMPON

the frogs are turning gay: really????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: YEAH IT’S IN FRANCE

birds of prey: LMAO LE TAMPON  
birds of prey: HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND OUT ABOUT THAT PLACE

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i was playing geoguesser with my friend LOL

birds of prey: nerd

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i mean the fact that you know it shows that you’re a nerd too so 

birds of prey: >:(

the frogs are turning gay: what’s that?

birds of prey: it’s a browser game where you’re put into like a google earth thing and you have to guess the place you’re in based on what you see

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: AND I GOT PUT IN LE TA M P ON

birds of prey: basically a game for NERDS

the frogs are turning gay: sounds fun actually

birds of prey: oh great look what you did akama

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ??????

birds of prey: you made him a NERD

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: I DIDN’T DO SHIT

the frogs are turning gay: ah yes, after hearing the description of the game “geoguesser”, i am now a box of tiny, multi-coloured candies of which majority are made of sugar

birds of prey: what

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: the american sweet you b00mer

birds of prey: stop with that meme i’m literally one (1) year older than you

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: b o o m e r

birds of prey: S T O P

* * * * *

**20:07**

prada: i spilled water on my computer and now i'm furiously dabbing  
prada: with a towel i mean not waving my arms and hoping the water will cringe itself away

h2o: stop using famous people’s quotes and claim them as your own  
h2o: that’s called COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT  
h2o: or PLAGIARISM  
h2o: you could go to JAIL

prada: >:(  
prada: crabs are people

jared: BANANAS ARE PEOPLE

prada: OH SPEAKING OF BANANAS  
prada: look at what my dumbass banana team is doing  
prada:  _ Image Attached   
_ prada: training just ended but they want to do what???? CLIMB A TREE IN A PARK

jared: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
jared: JOIN THEM

prada: no im scared of heights  
prada: also there has to be someone to laugh when they fall

h2o: omg it’s a banana tree  
h2o: wait that makes you all sUCKERS 

jared: ASDFGHJKLNICE

prada: NO U DUMBASS BANANA TREES GROW FROM SUCKS ITS NOT THE BANANAS THAT ARE SUCKERS  
prada: U CANT JUST STICK A BANANA IN THE GROUND AND EXPECT IT TO GROW

jared: HAVE U TRIED

prada: no why tf would i do that

jared: i mean who doesnt want a banana tree?????

h2o: where would you put it????

jared: in your garden????

h2o: ???????

jared: ???????

h2o: ?????????

jared: ?????????

h2o: ????????????

jared: wait bananas grow from the same sucker right

h2o: yeah

jared: so theyre just clones of each other

h2o: i don’t think that makes it a clone????

jared: why not?????????

h2o: ok imagine this  
h2o: a banana tree is like the mother and the bananas are her babies

jared: OHH

h2o: right? it doesn’t work that way

jared: MOTHERS ARE SECRETLY CLONING MACHINES

h2o: i-  
h2o: how dumb are you

jared: IM NOT DUMB THIS IS A GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERY

h2o: do you even know what groundbreaking means??

jared: YES IM NOT THAT STUPID

h2o: sure jan

jared: IM NOT JAN  
jared: IM JARED, 19, AND I NEVER FUCKING LEARNED HOW TO READ

h2o: ok

jared: >:((((((((((

h2o: anyway  
h2o: neither banana trees nor mothers are cloning machines  


jared: lame

h2o; you can't just  
h2o: i give up  
h2o: bye

jared; k bye i hope you becoming a banana tree soon

h2o: that is not a very nice way to wish someone goodbye

jared: ok  
jared: banana

h2o: i  
h2o: bye

* * * * *

**20:21**

toyotaMOM: Speaking of bananas, my team was once called ‘a bunch of unripe bananas’ by a another team

prada: UNRIPE BANANAS AFHJSKJH  
prada: I CANT UNSEE THAT NOW

toyotaMOM: Well, we crushed them in the end so who’s the real winner :)

prada: BANANA POWERS ACTIVATE!!!!!  
prada: wait your school is unripe bananas and mine is ripe bananas    
prada: banana high school FTW

toyotaMOM: Isn’t there also a school with a green jersey in Miyagi?  
toyotaMOM: I think they’re called Kakugawa High?

prada: oh yeah with that insanely tall first year

toyotaMOM: They can be the unripe banana school!

prada: omg NICE  
prada: AND INZARIZAKI IS THE ROTTEN BANANA SCHOOL  
prada: HOLY BANANA FOUR-NITY

toyotaMOM: Banana High Schools four-nity  
toyotaMOM: Or: the Stages of Banana High Schools four-nity

prada: WE CAN COMBINE LIKE POWER RANGERS AND BECOME THE ULTIMATE BANANA SCHOOL  
prada: omg look at these idiots  
prada:  _ Image Attached   
_ prada: theyre trying to become a banana tree i swear

toyotaMOM: Oh you’re still there? I would’ve thought you’d all be home by now

prada: yeah i had to babysit these idiots for 30 minutes and counting   
prada: jk i love them but sometimes theyre like the second the stupidest people i know  
prada: first is myself of course

toyotaMOM: That sounds rough  
toyotaMOM: And are they not causing a nuisance? It looks like a pretty public area

prada: no theres no else one here lmao  
prada: except a group of kids playing pokemon go or something  
prada: wtf terushimas using his phone now

toyotaMOM: While on the tree?

prada: yeah i bet hes snapping his bfs  
prada: SHIT  
prada: SHITSHITSHIT

toyotaMOM: What happened??

prada: TERUSHIMA FELL OFF THE TREE  
prada: BUT HE WENT INTO A ROLL OR SOMETHING AND NOW HES NOT HURT AT ALL???   
prada: AND HES STILL SNAPPING THEM WTF HE JUST PEACE SIGNED AT HIS PHONE

toyotaMOM: Wow, he must have amazing reflexes!

prada: yeah he used to be in gymnastics in middle school maybe thats why  
prada: NOW BOBATA WANTS TO DO IT TOO  
prada: hes climbing to the same branch teru was on  
prada: oh my god why are all my friends so stupid  
prada: ok i should go  
prada: i have to be ready to film in case anything happens

toyotaMOM: Stay safe!

* * * * *

**21:09**

akaGAY:

ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴄʜᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀɪʟ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴏɴᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs.

ᴅᴇᴀʀ ɢᴏᴅ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇᴍ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ʟɪᴠᴇ ʟɪғᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜʟʟᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʙʟᴇss ᴛʜᴇᴍ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴄʜᴏsᴇɴ ғɪᴇʟᴅ.

ɴᴏᴡ, ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ. ɪɴ 9 ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇs sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴡɪᴛʜ 15 ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ. ɪғ ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛʜɪs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪ'ᴍ ᴏʙᴠɪᴏᴜsʟʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ.

ɴᴏᴡ, ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢᴀᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪᴛ's ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇᴅ sɪɴᴄᴇ 1977. ᴏɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜɪs, ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴇɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ 15 ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ. ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇxᴛ 5 ᴅᴀʏs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪs:

ᴅᴀʏ 1 - ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪɢɢᴇsᴛ sʜᴏᴄᴋ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪғᴇ.

ᴅᴀʏ 2 - ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄʀᴏss ᴘᴀᴛʜs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍɪssᴇᴅ.

ᴅᴀʏ 3 - ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ғɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏғ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ.

ᴅᴀʏ 4 - ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴀʏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴘᴇʀғᴇᴄᴛ.

ᴅᴀʏ 5 - ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪғᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ sᴘᴇɴᴅ ʟᴏᴛs ᴏғ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ.

ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ғᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜɪs, ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇxᴛ 5 ᴅᴀʏs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇxᴀᴄᴛ ᴏᴘᴘᴏsɪᴛᴇ.

ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋ ᴛʜɪs. sᴇɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ 15 ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ɪɴ 10 ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇs

akaGAY: IGNORE THAT I JUST WANNA MARRY SUNA

human espresso: shouldn’t you, i don’t know, actually ask him out for that to happen?

akaGAY: YOU KNOW I’M TOO PUSSY  
akaGAY: HE’S TOO PRETTY I CAN’T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE  
akaGAY: well i wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face ANYWAY 

human espresso: so you decided to send chainmail???

akaGAY: SHUT UPPPP I’M JUST  
akaGAY: FEELIN REALLY GAY RN

human espresso: me 24/7  
human espresso: but what happened?

akaGAY: nothing big i guess,, akaGAY: suna smiled a lot more during practice today  
akaGAY: like he’s mostly expressionless and i would know bc i watch him all the time haha kms  
akaGAY: but today he was just like?? smiling at me?????? AND I WAS HIGHKEY DYING 

human espresso: sounds like good progress!  
human espresso: you should try to speak to him more when you get the chance  
human espresso: show your interest in him

akaGAY: oshit he just messaged me  
akaGAY: GTG HE WANTS HELP WITH HOMEWORK

human espresso: good luck with him!

* * * * *

**02:14**

jared: REMEMBER!!  
jared: DONT DRINK WATER AFTER EATING FISH!!!! bcos the water may casur the fish to swim and then u will feel glugluglugluglugluglugluglu in your stomach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
jared: REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!

* * * * *

**05:47**

birds of prey: NOYA WHY DO YOU KEEP SENDING WEIRD SHIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

jared: IDK

the frogs are turning gay: do you have insomnia or something?? troubles sleeping at night?

jared: no i just wake up to pee

birds of prey: and out of all the things in the world you chose to type and send that

jared: well yeah

birds of prey: ok.

the frogs are turning gay: you know they say that if you can’t sleep at night it’s because someone is thinking or dreaming of you

jared: rly????

human espresso: no because if that were true you’d never be getting any sleep, yuu

birds of prey: KSJDKJ YAKU THAT WAS SO SMOOTH I CAN’T EVEN GET ANGRY

jared: ?????

the frogs are turning gay: noya-san do you not get it???

jared: WAIT  
jared: O H  
jared: MORISUKEEE<33333

human espresso: <3

birds of prey: morisuke more like  
birds of prey: mori so GAY

human espresso: well  
human espresso: you’re not wrong there

birds of prey: LMAO

jared: I THINK OF U ALL THE TIME TOO  
jared: we were watching the fukurodani vs nekoma match yesterday AND YOU WERE SO COOOOL

human espresso: thank you yuu  
human espresso: but you should see yourself on the court, too!  
human espresso: you always compliment people for being skilled but you yourself are one of the most skilled second year liberos i know  
human espresso: don’t ever forget that, ok?

jared: awwwww mori  
jared: i wont!!!!!! 

birds of prey: diabetes in your chat??? it’s more likely than you think. click here now for a free insulin shot

the frogs are turning gay: hey don’t joke about that my relative has type 2 and it’s not fun :((

birds of prey: shit sorry  
birds of prey: but can you two tune it down please you're making me miss akinori 

jared: n e v e r

human espresso: well you heard him

the frogs are turning gay: rip komi-san

birds of prey: ugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week.. we're going to see hirugami... i'm not ok


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> memes galore. 
> 
> (i don't even know anymore)

**06:12**

prada: i just made myself the most delicious breakfast ever and i want EVERYONE TO KNOW

akaGAY: and you’re just not going to show us????????

prada: fine  
prada:  _ Image Attached _

akaGAY: it’s just toast

prada: TOAST IS NICE  
prada: and anyway its not “just toast”  
prada: its toast with butter and sugar which is the BEST THING TO EVER EXIST

akaGAY: k

prada: how dare u k my toast

akaGAY: whatever  
akaGAY: anyway  
akaGAY: do you think it’s possible to reheat toast

prada: what do u mean

akaGAY: a lot of foods once cooked can be reheated like noodles and stuff  
akaGAY: but can you toast bread and reheat it once it’s not warm anymore

prada: but if u toast it again itd be super dry and crackly and not nice to eat

akaGAY: can you microwave toast?????

prada: idk  
prada: omg wait no can you make toast by microwaving bread

akaGAY: technically?????? because microwaves work by vibrating the water molecules or something  
akaGAY: which doesn’t sound all that bad honestly so idk why people still say microwaves are dangerous  
akaGAY: are they??????

prada: oh yeah microwaves are dangerous  
prada: if you punch one it hurts

akaGAY: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT

prada: WAIT CAN YOU BOIL BREAD TO MAKE TOAST

akaGAY: i don’t think you can do that  
akaGAY: the bread will be all wet from the water??? it would just be hot soggy bread  
akaGAY: which sounds gross

prada: aw  
prada: omg did u know that toast sandwiches are a thing

akaGAY: ????  
akaGAY: isn’t that just bread??

prada: NO its slices of bread with toast in the middle  
prada: look theres even a whole wikipedia article about it  
prada:  [ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_sandwich ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_sandwich)

akaGAY: ????????????????

prada: hm sounds fun maybe i should try it one day

akaGAY: wtf it says the toast is normally “heavily buttered” might as well just make a sandwich with butter in the middle???????????? why put toast in the first place?????  
akaGAY: and heavily buttered is gross????????

prada: WHO DOESNT LIKE BUTTER

akaGAY: ME

prada: BUTTER IS GREAT WHAT DO U MEAN

akaGAY: too much butter is disgusting it’s just saturated fats

prada: well when u put it THAT way it sure sounds disgusting  
prada: but butter is great ok you have no idea what youre missing out on  
prada: honestly?? put butter on anything and id eat it

akaGAY: a shoe. 

prada: ON A FOOD U DUMB

akaGAY: would you eat cereal out of a shoe

prada: no wtf??

akaGAY: ok just checking

prada: u have strange tastes in food but not judging  
prada: ok gtg class is starting yuck  
prada: have fun eating shoe cereal

akaGAY: I NEVER SAID I WAS THE ONE EATING IT  
akaGAY: OI  
akaGAY: sigh  
akaGAY: kids these days

* * * * *

**10:57**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: can you brush your teeth with aluminium foil  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: asking for a friend

h2o: why the hell would you do that???

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: asking for a FRIEND

h2o: why would your FRIEND want to do that????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i don’t KNOW

h2o: well as far as i know you CAN’T

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok THANKS

h2o: you’re WELCOME??  
h2o: and anyway shouldn’t you be in class????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: I’M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME

h2o: what

h2o: ok

* * * * *

**12:09**

Baby: Helpp how do you study Chemistry ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

wheres my phone: hm  
wheres my phone: different people have different ways of studying and remembering things

the frogs are turning gay: set fire to your textbook and say “look chemical reaction”

wheres my phone: LMAO

Baby: Does that really work?????

the frogs are turning gay: no omg it’s just what my senpais told me

Baby: Aww

wheres my phone: it depends what aspect you have trouble with  
wheres my phone: my best advice is you clarify doubts with your teacher, if that doesn’t help try rereading the textbook or your notes or search for explanations online  
wheres my phone: for studying, try studying with friends or following a friend’s study method if yours isn’t effective  
wheres my phone: for example making flash cards to memorise key words or ideas  
wheres my phone: stuff like that

Baby: Oh! That sounds a lot more doable  
Baby: I will definitely try these out!  
Baby: Thanks Yamagata-san!! (❁´▽`❁)

wheres my phone: good luck studying  
wheres my phone: you too sakunami  
wheres my phone: don’t burn your textbooks (yet)

the frogs are turning gay: ok i won’t become an arsonist  
the frogs are turning gay: (yet)

* * * * *

**14:30**

jared: what happens when you p...p...p...pick up a penguin

toyotaMOM: Oh! I actually know this one  
toyotaMOM: You find the answer

jared: CULTURED  
jared: WHERE DOES THE GENERAL KEEP HIS ARMIES??

toyotaMOM: Up his sleevies

jared: HOW MANY HOLES IN A POLO?

toyotaMOM: Four

jared: CAN A MATCH BOX

toyotaMOM: No, but a tin can

jared: WHATS THE SQUARE ROOT OF ONION

toyotaMOM: Shallot

jared: WHAT DO U CALL A WINGLESS FLY

toyotaMOM: A walk

jared: UH  
jared: WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR

toyotaMOM: When it’s a jar!

jared: mary rose sat on a pin.

toyotaMOM: Mary rose

jared: WHERES IS ORIONS BELT LOCATED

toyotaMOM: Around Orion’s wasit

jared: WHY IS THE BELT BELOW HIS ASS  
jared: HAHA JUST KIDDING  
jared: WHAT KIND OF CHEESE IS MADE BACKWARDS

toyotaMOM: Edam cheese

jared: WHAT IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD

toyotaMOM: What

jared: WHEN WAS ICE AGE

toyotaMOM: 2002

jared: SDJSKJDSK YOU KNOW THEM ALL  
jared: HOW

toyotaMOM: My sister and I used to play this all the time  
toyotaMOM: Quite pointless and time consuming, but I guess this is the one time it comes in handy :”)

jared: CANT BELIEVE MR KOMORI  
jared: #1 HIGH SCHOOL LIBERO AND RESIDENT MOM  
jared: MEMORISED ALL THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS OF TIQ 

toyotaMOM: Mr Komori???

jared: KOMORI-SAMAAAA  
jared: U HAVE EARNED ALL OF MY RESPEKT

toyotaMOM: Um, thank you? 

jared: I WILL DO ALL YOUR BIDDING FROM NOW ON

toyotaMOM: Hm, that sounds quite nice actually  
toyotaMOM: Thanks, Nishinoya! :)

jared: NO PROBLEM KOMORI SAMA

* * * * *

**19:48**

birds of prey: holy shit guys you wouldn’t believe what happened just now  
birds of prey: a bunch of people came to interview bokuto for some local volleyball magazine since he’s a top five ace  
birds of prey: and they were asking questions while we stayed in the back like losers

akaGAY: let me guess  
akaGAY: yall were practicing and then a ball flew out and hit the interviewer and his toupee came off!!!!!!

birds of prey: no  
birds of prey: i mean that happened before with our principal but that’s another story  
birds of prey: ANYWAY  
birds of prey: they’re asking questions like what does volleyball mean to you, what’s your goal etc  
birds of prey: then they go for some personal questions and ask where he’s born and he answers japan  
birds of prey: and then they asked which part he was born  
birds of prey: AND HE DEADASS GOES  
birds of prey: “my whole body”

akaGAY AHAHSHAHAHHAHAJSJS BIG DUMBASS ENERGY

birds of prey: RIGHT  
birds of prey: they stood there for like five minutes staring at each other in confusion until akaashi whispered to him and he said “oh you mean which part of JAPAN”

akaGAY: LMAOOOOO

birds of prey: the interviewers looked ready to leave ngl they were whispering to each other  
birds of prey: i bet they were like “are u sure we have the right guy. really”  
birds of prey: then akaashi had to step in and help with the rest of the interview because the rest of us were too busy laughing

akaGAY: bro your school is w i l d  
akaGAY: the twins always get interviewed at tournaments so people don’t come directly to the school  
akaGAY: and they’re mostly dumbasses in school while at competitions atsumu tries to act cool in front of his fans   
akaGAY: just yesterday they were fighting over whose hair looked better even though they are literally the SAME other than the colour  
akaGAY: they even got out rulers and protractors to measure the length and angle of their bangs LIKE WHO TF DOES THAT  
akaGAY: they only stopped when our captain said “you both look good to me. can we start training yet?” AND THEN FOR THE WHOLE OF TRAINING THEY WERE TOO FLUSTERED TO FIGHT EVEN ONCE

birds of prey: omg power move  
birds of prey: he sounds scary

akaGAY: nahhh shinsuke is just hard to understand and tbh everyone lowkey has a crush on him so his opinions tend to mean a lot

birds of prey: ohh  
birds of prey: akaashi was kinda like that too when he first joined because he’s so p r e t ty and everyone can see that  
birds of prey: akinori had a big fat crush on him last year but then bokuto asked him out   
birds of prey: and it wasn't even a secret confession or anything, it was at the very end of practice and bokuto just yelled "AKAASHI WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME"  
birds of prey: we all thought he accepted just to make bokuto not lose face but turns out he actually liked bokuto  


akaGAY: oh ouch that shit must've hurt  
akaGAY: for both of you

birds of prey: yeah but it all worked out in the end  
birds of prey: after we won nationals last year he asked me out  
birds of prey: well technically i had to initiate it but yeah :))

akaGAY: congrats...........  


birds of prey: HEY don't be salty you're still single  
birds of prey: just man up and ask him out dude

akaGAY: you say that like it's easy

birds of prey: i mean that fact that he's been reacting well to you is a good sign  
birds of prey: you should ask to hang out more

akaGAY: i'll try  
akaGAY: tomorrow i'll consult my magic 8 ball on whether i should ask him to hang out after school

birds of prey: LMAO ok  
birds of prey: hope everything works out

akaGAY: thanks :***

* * * * *

**20:28**

prada: ligma.   
prada: ligma what you ask?  
prada: LIGMA BALLS  
prada: sugma.   
prada: sugma what?  
prada: SUGMA DICK  
prada: boufa.  
prada: boufa what?  
prada: BOUFA THESE NUTS  
prada: wilma.  
prada: wilma balls fit in your mouth, son?  
prada: kisma.  
prada: kisma what, i hear you say?  
prada: KISMA DICK  
prada: chokama.   
prada: what the heck is that, you ask?  
prada: CHOKAMA COCK  
prada: grabma.   
prada: grabma penis, you lil bitch!!!!  
prada: swallowma.   
prada: swallowma what do?   
prada: SWALLOWMA CUM  
prada: bro, are you going to that sorcon convention?   
prada: whats sorcon, you ask?   
prada: sorcon deez nuts!  
prada: hey dude, did you hear about candis?   
prada: candis dick fit in your mouth, son?  
prada: fugma.   
prada: what the heck is fugma, bro cho cho?   
prada: well, can you fugma ass  
prada: grabahan.   
prada: grabahan is a dangerous disease.   
prada: you’ve never heard of it?   
prada: well, you can grabahan my penis

human espresso: what the fuck.

prada: anyways, m’broskis, i gotta bounce.   
prada: bounce on your bros dick.

human espresso: what the actual Fuck

prada: GOT EM

human espresso: there are approximately 54,000 words in the japanese language, but i could never string enough words together to properly express how much i want to hit you with a chair

prada: TAKE YOUR CHAIR WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUU

human espresso: .

prada: how to pick up blue chair

h2o: oh just what i was looking for!  
h2o: does it work with red chairs?

prada: no.

h2o: oh  
h2o: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to rewatch pwediepie's playthrough of TIQ and read the wiki to find those questions... man the nostalgia from rewatching those videos though :")  
> also,, how konokomi got together is a little reference to the fic i posted at the start of the year, so if you're interested,,,, please check it out [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125763)! 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY AKAGI DAY !!!! i love him so much you have no idea :')  
> anyway just a little note, i kind of reached the end of all the pre-written stuff i had for this so expect future updates to be a little more staggered, but i'll try to write out more during quarantine (even though i only have three weeks left haha rip)  
> anyways here is the "eventual akasuna" i promised in the tags so enjoy :) and remember to stan akagi for clear skin 😃👍

**02:09**

jared: clamidia comes from clams and clams are people and thats why people get clamadia

* * * * *

**09:17**

wheres my phone: first of all, it’s spelled chlamydia not clamadia  
wheres my phone: second of all, clams are NOT people i have no idea where you even got that from  
wheres my phone: and lastly it’s an STD so there’s no way you can get it from clams

jared: HOW DO U KNOW  
jared: HAVE U EVER FUCKED A CLAM

wheres my phone: no?????? i haven't fucked anyone wtf

jared: see so how would u know u cant get it from clams if u havent fCUKED ONE  
jared: PROBLEM: SOLVED

wheres my phone: you are literally the problem

jared: ಠ_ಠ  
jared: 凸(｀0´)凸

* * * * *

**12:30**

prada: if u ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly  
prada: because communication is key

h2o: how high are you

prada: *hi how r u

h2o: good thanks

prada: but no really im stuck out and no ones home help

h2o: uh  
h2o: do you wanna go out??

prada: ON A DATE

h2o: i meant hang out but sure whatever  
h2o: i’m bored staying home all day  
h2o: how fast can you get to the station

prada: like ten minutes??? ish

h2o: ok nice let’s meet there  
h2o: we can go to the arcade

prada: OMG WATARI I LOVE U  
prada: ILL WALK THERE NOW SEE U

* * * * *

**13:18**

prada: GUYS LOOK WHAT MY BABE WATARI WON FOR ME  
prada:  _ Image Attached  
_ prada: AND DID YOU KNOW THIS BOY IS AMAZING AT THOSE MUSIC RHYTHM GAMES  
prada: HE BEAT ALL THE KIDS THERE

h2o: they were literally a bunch of ten year olds how good can they be

prada: tru  
prada: BUT STILL  
prada: YOU WERE AMAZING  
prada: WE NEED TO GO BACK ONE DAY

h2o: are you asking me out?

prada: idk am i??

h2o: are you???

prada: ;D?????

h2o: well whatever it is i accept

prada: :D!!!!!

* * * * *

**14:16**

akaGAY: the earth is…… a cup

toyotaMOM: Explain?

akaGAY: holds things

toyotaMOM: I see.

* * * * *

**16:05**

jared:  _ Image Attached  
_ jared: AAAAAAAAAAA  
jared: ISNT HE CUTE

akaGAY: IS THAT YAKU  
akaGAY: IN A SKIRT

jared: YES ISNT HE CUTE  
jared: HE SAYS HE ISNT BUT IM HERE TO PROVE HIM WRONG

birds of prey: YOO HE LOOKS GOOD  
birds of prey: AND THE COLOUR SUITS HIM REALLY WELL TOO

toyotaMOM: Oh! My sister was looking at a skirt like that few days ago  
toyotaMOM: It looks really good on him!

jared: RIGHT RIGHT  
jared: THATS WHAT I SAID TOO

human espresso: yuu

jared: MORI SEE EVERYONE SAYS YOU LOOK GOOD TOO

human espresso: i mean  
human espresso: i really appreciate you trying to make me feel validated 

jared: !!!!!!!!!!

human espresso: but next time maybe don’t share our pictures with the whole world?

jared: aw but moriii  
jared: u look so cute!!!  
jared: and the whole world alr knows anyway!!!!!!

human espresso: yuu have you been sending it to even more people??????

jared: noo  
jared: youre my whole world :)

birds of prey: SKSJSJ YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO STOP BEING CHEESY ARE YOU HUH

akaGAY: SMOOTH NOYA SMOOTH

human espresso: i

jared: :DDDDDD

akaGAY: oh speaking of pick up lines do yall wanna hear some???

wheres my phone: no not really

akaGAY: i’m gonna say them anyway so shut up  
akaGAY: are you black friday?? because damn what’s your problem

human espresso: literally how is that a pick up line

akaGAY: ok i just realised i said problem instead of deal i always mess that part up dammit

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: oh i’ve got some too  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: hey are you seeing someone? no? huh, really? just seems like you should be seeing a therapist or something,,

birds of prey: omg you guys these aren’t pick up lines  
birds of prey: more like ways to make people cry

jared: hey i have a pick up line too wanna see

birds of prey: NO DON’T YOU DARE  
birds of prey: NOYA I SWEAR

jared: hey morisuke

human espresso: hi

jared: morisuke ur cute pls love me  
jared: works every time just watch

birds of prey: that’s not even a pick up line tf

human espresso: but yuu, i already love you, i’ll just have to love you more then

birds of prey: ugh  
birds of prey: gays

human espresso: komi you are literally dating a Boy

birds of prey: shut up here's mine  
birds of prey: if there wasn’t any gravity on earth i’d still fall for you

jared: becasue ur that clumsy

birds of prey: SHUT UP

human espresso: who are you even talking to

birds of prey: CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE TEAMING UP ON ME   
birds of prey: i’m gonna use these on akinori and make him embarrassed BYE

toyotaMOM: I’ve got one too!  
toyotaMOM: Do you want to play an important part at my wedding?  
toyotaMOM: Like the groom?

jared: omg

akaGAY: more like broom

wheres my phone: ??

akaGAY: becasue u swept me off my feet ;))  
akaGAY: are u a loan? because you got my interest  
akaGAY: are you french? because eiffel for you

human espresso: we are literally japanese

jared: WAIT DUDE  
jared: YOU SHOULD USE THESE ON SUNA  
jared: DO IT DO IT DO IT

akaGAY: WTF NO HE’LL HATE ME  
akaGAY: I DON’T WANNA BE THAT CREEPY GUY WHO HITS ON HIM WITH DUMB PICK UP LINES

birds of prey: DO IT

akaGAY: komi i thought you went away

birds of prey: well you thought wrong bitch!!!!

jared: AKAGI JUST DO IT  
jared: DONT LET UR MEMES BE DREAMS

birds of prey: YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMORROW

jared: SO JUST DO IT

birds of prey: MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE

jared: JUST

birds of prey: DO IT

akaGAY: NO

toyotaMOM: Guys, if Akagi doesn’t want to, don’t pressure him

akaGAY: omg komori you angel T^T

toyotaMOM: But I too feel you should try them on him! 

akaGAY: STATEMENT RETRACTED

jared: DO IT COWARD

akaGAY: NO FUCK OFF

birds of prey: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING DUDE

jared: TWO YEARS

akaGAY: LEAVE ME ALONE

birds of prey: THIS COULD BE THE CHANCE TO FINALLY ASK HIM OUT

akaGAY: I WAS PLANNING ON DOING IT  
akaGAY: SUNA OR LATER……

jared: YOURE LAME

akaGAY: FRICK YOU

jared: DO IT

birds of prey: DO IT

jared: DO ITTTTTT

akaGAY: FOR FUCKS SAKE FINE  
akaGAY: BUT IF THIS BACKFIRES YOU BOTH OWE ME FOR LIFE

jared: WHATEVER JUST GOOOOO

* * * * *

Chat: suna and akaGAY 

**16:34**

akaGAY: hey  
akaGAY: if there wasn’t any gravity on earth i’d still fall for you  
akaGAY: are you a broom? because u swept me off my feet   
akaGAY: are you a loan? because you’ve got my interest

suna: ..  
suna: are you trying to seduce me

akaGAY: why, is it working?  
akaGAY: SHIT I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND THAT UM  
akaGAY: IGNORE WHAT I SAID my friends forced me to do that i’m sorry

suna: i mean  
suna: at least take me out to dinner first or something.. 

akaGAY: wait what

suna: what

akaGAY: wait you’re serious???

suna: mm

akaGAY: you don’t mind??  
akaGAY: aren’t you weirded out or anything

suna: no, why would i be

akaGAY: you’re not disgusted that i’m trying to  
akaGAY: uh  
akaGAY: flirt with you??

suna: your username literally has the word gay in it

akaGAY: oh right

suna: also  
suna: i don’t really mind if you flirt with me

akaGAY: oh  
akaGAY: o h  
akaGAY: then uh  
akaGAY: do you wanna go out some time?

suna: 6pm tonight is fine

akaGAY: sure!  
akaGAY: i’ll pick you up!!

suna: ok  
suna:  _ Image Attached  
_ suna: see you :)

* * * * *

**16:51**

jared: i said “come in”

human espresso: YOU DID NOT

jared: I DID AND THEN HE WAS LIKE “what the fuck dude” AND WENT AWAY

toyotaMOM: But why would someone knock on the door of an occupied public toilet? It would be common sense to either wait or find an empty one

jared: IDK he was weird 

human espresso: so you decided to one up him by being even weirder?

jared: YEAH AND IT WORKED

akaGAY: YALL  
akaGAY: GUESS WHAT

jared: WHAT   
jared: DID THE PICKUP LINES WORK????

akaGAY: EVEN BETTER  
akaGAY:  _ Image Attached  
_ akaGAY: YA BOI’S GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT 

toyotaMOM: Congratulations! 

human espresso: oh nice!!

jared: SEE TOLD U IT WOULD WORK  
jared: THANK ME PEASANT

akaGAY: i am heavily indebted to you, my lord. i am dearly sorry for not heeding your majesty’s well-meaning advice from the start, please take into consideration forgiving this humble self of mine

jared: LOL OK NICE

akaGAY: OK BUT  
akaGAY: HE DIDN’T JUST LET ME TAKE HIM OUT FOR DINNER  
akaGAY: HE SENT ME A PIC OF KAZE  
akaGAY: AND A SMILEY  
akaGAY: A S M I L E L Y   
akaGAY: IM!?/!:3&$:/!/??/

human espresso: akagi.exe has stopped working

jared: SEND HIM A DICK PIC BACK

toyotaMOM: Absolutely not!

akaGAY: WTF NOYA GROSS  
akaGAY: and weird for saying “come in” but you do you i guess  
akaGAY: anyway this bitch has to prepare for his date so bYE SUCKERS

human espresso: i’m happy you finally got a date but then you go and call us suckers and i just

jared: ITS OK BANANA TREES GROW FROM SUCKERS

toyotaMOM: I already have a banana growing between my legs

jared: AHAHAHAJSJDJDKSKSJSJDJSJSHSSJDAKSHDGA  
jared: AKSJJDHDGSGSJSSKJSJDJSKEJEJEJAKAHDGSGAGADAGDDHSGDHAJA

human espresso: KOMORI WHY

toyotaMOM: :)

human espresso: i trusted you……

toyotaMOM: :)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i came up with that suna or later joke like two years ago and finally have a place to use it in.. bless
> 
> thanks for reading!! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more shenanigans plus akasuna development hell yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR 42412619 YEARS i have no excuse except for Life and that i ran out of ideas to continue BUT!!! i am back!!!! it will be a few weeks before regular updates start again because of school (yuck) in the meanwhile i hope you enjoy this chapter!! :D

**17:29**

the frogs are turning gay: does jumin han is gay?

Baby: Jumin Han is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. 

the frogs are turning gay: even it has happened in 2012, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gay

Baby: At that time he became the massive social networking rumor. 

the frogs are turning gay: the public, especially his fans are shocked

Baby: He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively. 

the frogs are turning gay: this time is not about his career, but his bad rumor

Baby: The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this man revealed himself as homosexual. 

the frogs are turning gay: do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans

Baby: !!!

the frogs are turning gay: shibayamaaaaa i didn’t know you knew the whole thing

Baby: Naoyasu showed me the video and I thought it was funny so I saved it in my phone! 

prada: JUMIN HAN  
prada: MR TRUST FUND KID  
prada: ELIZABETH THE THIRDS FATHER  
prada: ALSO ZENS  
prada: im so SAD

Baby: Why?

prada: i just finished jaehees route  
prada: cos shes the only,,, “normal” one   
prada: like yeah zen is hot and yoosung is cute BUT narcissist and yandere for his own cousin????? no thanks

the frogs are turning gay: oh yeah but the mc is a girl so you can’t actually get together with jaehee

prada: YEA AND THAT SUCKS BECAUSE SHES SO NICE  
prada: this game sucks >:(

Baby: Tsuchiyu-san, didn’t you want to get Saeran’s route? I remember you asking Noya-san about it

prada: yeah but i dont have hourglasses :(((((   
prada: its ok i just went to read everything on the wiki page and im even sadder now  
prada: i thought this was just a dating simulator but nOooOoO you just HAVE to hurt me like this

the frogs are turning gay: :””””””””) seven

prada: S E V E N  
prada: YOU AND ME  
prada: LETS MARRY IN THE SPACE STATION

jared: THERE RIGHT THERE   
jared: LOOK AT THAT TAN

prada: GASP

jared: THAT TINTED SKIN

prada: LOOK AT THE KILLER SHAPE HE’S IN

Baby: Look at that slightly stubbly chin!

the frogs are turning gay: oh please he’s gay, totally gay

jared: NICE  
jared: u guys wanna hear more jokes  
jared: of course u do

Baby: Um

jared: how do u make holy water

Baby: Ask a priest to bless the water?

jared: no u BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT

the frogs are turning gay: lame

jared: oh yeah???????? come up with a better one then  
jared: u PUNK

the frogs are turning gay: fine i will  
the frogs are turning gay: who was the winner of the nobel prize

jared: me cos im a winner

prada: u loser

jared: RUDE

Baby: Akira Yoshino, creator of the first safe, production-viable lithium ion battery?

jared: whomstve

the frogs are turning gay: i mean

prada: shiba u baby this is a joke don’t take it so seriously

Baby: Aw ok :(  
Baby: Then who was the winner of the nobel prize?

the frogs are turning gay: the creator of the door knocker

jared: ….  
jared: AND YOU CALL MY JOKES LAME 

prada: HAHA THATS ACTUALLY A GOOD ONE 

jared: WTF HOW IS MINE LAME AND THAT GOOD WTFJDJDJ  
jared: u all SUCK

prada: and u swallow

jared: THE ONLY THING I SWALLOW IS MORIS CUM AFTER I BLOW HIM OFF

the frogs are turning gay: i really did not need to know that

Baby: time 2 wash my eyes w bleach bye

prada: what

jared: WHAT

the frogs are turning gay: what

Baby: ( ,, - - ,, )  
Baby: Was that bad??

jared: NO

prada: NO IT WAS AMAZING

the frogs are turning gay: we’re the same age but i’m so proud of you shibayama

Baby: (❁´▽`❁)

the frogs are turning gay: you are the nicest guy here

Baby: Thank you Sakunami-san!

jared: HEY IM NICE

the frogs are turning gay: that is not correct

jared: >:(

* * * * *

**18:02**

akaGAY: BITCHE  
akGAY: S  
akaGAY: HE’S HERE  
akaGAY: FUC K  
akaGAY: HE’S NOT DRESSED UP IN ANYTHING FANCY BUT HE LOOKS SO GOOD  
akaGAY: OK BYE

jared: GOOD LUCK EAT ASS

birds of prey: that’s not how the saying goes

jared: ea games more like eat ass games

birds of prey: @human espresso control ur bf pls

human espresso: yuu stop

jared: nooooo  
jared: help me  
jared: i need help!

human espresso: what’s wrong?

jared: ive FALLEN

birds of prey: marty McFall

jared: ive fallen and i cant get up

human espresso: did you trip? are you ok?

jared: fallen in love with your bEAUTIFUL EYES  
jared: haha gotcha how u doin bby

birds of prey: you just used a meme

human espresso: fuck   
human espresso: i love you so much yuu

birds of prey: HOW DID THAT SEDUCE YOU

jared: LOVE YOU TOO  
jared: hey do u think a person can breathe inside of a washing machine if its on??

birds of prey: why don’t you try it????

human espresso: YUU DON’T komi stop encouraging him to do stupid things oh my god

jared: :)

human espresso: anyway, how were your days today?

birds of prey: nothing much happened

jared: OH  
jared: DURING CHEM LAB TODAY  
jared: MY TEACHER SAID THAT SMELLING AMMONIA ISNT A PROPER WAY TO DETECT IT  
jared: SHE SAID some people cant smell or have a bad sense of smell and its not scientific to detect something just by its smell, because some chemicals dont have smell anyway, and others can smell similar but be different chemicals entirely  
jared: then i said WHY WOULD PEOPLE WHO CANT SMELL DO CHEMISTRY IN THE FIRST PLACE WHAT IF U BREATH IN SOMETHING BAD YOU WOULDNT KNOW

human espresso: yuu..

birds of prey: LMFAO NOYA THAT’S A BIG ASS MOOD RIGHT THERE

jared: she made me stand outside for an hour >:(  
jared: but then i saw ryuu and he gave me a yakisoba so haha take that >:)

human espresso: well, there are some gases that are odorless and still do harm to your body  
human espresso: like carbon monoxide for example  
human espresso: it binds irreversibly to the haemoglobin in your red blood cells and decreases the amount of oxygen your blood can carry  
human espresso: which can eventually lead to death

birds of prey: :o

jared: mori youre so SMART

human espresso: not really, it was taught during biology 

birds of prey: more like byeology  
birds of prey: i do not like biology

jared: MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL

birds of prey: STOP  
birds of prey: i hate learning about plants  
birds of prey: i tried pretending to be a plant to understand them better but it DIDN’T WORK

human espresso: well that’s because you aren’t a plant  
human espresso: it’s not like you’re green or can photosynthesise

jared: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW

human espresso: gdi

jared: HOW A PLANT GROWS

birds of prey: what

jared: IT TAKES WATER AIR AND SUNLIGHT AND MAKES CELLULOSE

birds of prey: WHAT IS THIS

jared: EVERY PLANT CAN DO THIS

human espresso: you’ll see

jared: FUNDAMENTAL PROCESS

birds of prey: WHAT DO YOU MEAN??!??

jared: AND WE CAN CALL THIS

human espresso: here it comes

jared: PHOTOSYNTHESIS

birds of prey: NO

jared: UNLIKE ME AND YOU

birds of prey: I JUST REMEMBERED THIS CURSED SONG

jared: PLANTS NEED CO2

birds of prey: YAKU MAKE IT STOP

jared: AND THEY MAKE OXYGEN THAT STOPS US TURNING BLUE

human espresso: no :)

jared: EVERY PLANT CAN DO THIS

birds of prey: YOU SUCK WTF

jared: FUNDAMENTAL PROCESS

birds of prey: NOYA BRO STOP

jared: AND WE CAN CALL IT

birds of prey: PLEASE

jared: PHOTOSYNTHESIS

human espresso: i’m so glad i showed him this song

jared: ITS A MIRACLE

birds of prey: YOU DID WHAT

jared: HOW ALL THE CHLOROPHYLL

birds of prey: HOW DOES HE KNOW ALL THE LYRICS

jared: CATCHES SUNLIGHT IN THE LEAVES OF THE PLANTS AND THE TREES

human espresso: he can memorise things well if he puts his mind to it

jared: A PLANT OF ANY SIZE

birds of prey: BUT WHY

jared: CAN DO IT IF IT TRIES

birds of prey: NOYA WHY

jared: BUT WERE NOT GREEN SO WE CANT PHOTOSYNTHESISE  
jared: @ u komi

birds of prey: i

human espresso: LMAO 

birds of prey: DID YOU SING THE WHOLE SONG JUST FOR THAT ONE LYRIC

jared: well ya

birds of prey: i cant believe this  
birds of prey: i'm gone

jared: THE SONG IS NICE  
jared: SHOULD I SING THE ADAPTATION ONE TOO

birds of prey: NO  
birds of prey: DON'T SPAM THIS CHAT

jared: ok i will call u and sing it

birds of prey: DON'T YOU DARE  
birds of prey: I SWEAR

jared: u cant swear this is a christian minecraft server hosted by Jesus himself

human espresso: hey add me to the call too

jared: OK

birds of prey: STOP TEAMING UP AGAINST ME  
birds of prey: YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN  
birds of prey: DAMMIT HES REALLY CALLING ME

* * * * *

**19:16**

prada: I NEED SOME LOVE LIKE IVE NEVER NEEDED LOVE BEFORE

h2o: wanna make love to ya baby

prada: I HAD A LITTLE LOVE  
prada: NOW IM BACK FOR MORE

h2o: wanna make love to ya baby

prada: WATARI  
prada: MY SOULMATE  
prada: MARRY ME PLS

h2o: sure

prada: omg are u legit

h2o: yeah let's do it

prada: ;;;;;;;;;;;  
prada: i learned how to sweatdrop from playing mystic messenger  
prada: what has become of my life  
prada: OH also  
prada: its my sisters birthday in two days and i wanna do something for her

h2o: aw that’s so sweet

prada: but i dont know what to get her  
prada: she basically has everything shes ever wanted

jared: WRAP HER ROOM IN WRAPPING PAPER  
jared: because u see  
jared: since its stuff she already owns it must be what she likes so u dont have to think of another present!!!!!  
jared: but get her like one gift and hide it among the other wrapped stuff so she has to unwrap everything to find it

prada: thats actually not a bad idea

jared: AY 

prada: but how can i wrap her whole room by myself??

h2o: i don’t have practice that day, i could go over to help?

prada: ARE U LEGIT

h2o: yeah i don’t mind

jared: I WANNA GO TOO

prada: OK YOU CAN ALL COME OVER   
prada: we can smoke weed and get high and wrap my sisters bedroom

h2o: uh i’ll pass 

prada: jk i dont have weed BUT my mom bakes killer brownies so we can have those instead

jared: I LOVE BROWNIES

prada: ill buy the wrapping paper and tape and stuff  
prada: you guys can come over around 3  
prada: my sister gets home around 8ish so we should have enough time  
prada: [Address]  
prada: youre all invited but tell me beforehand so i can tell my mom

* * * * *

**19:25**

prada: WAIT  
prada: I JUST REALISED I STILL HAVE TO GET HER SOMETHING  
prada: HELP

jared: WHAT ABOUT A TEDDY BEAR

prada: she doesnt like stuffed animals

jared: wtf uncultured

wheres my phone: facemasks? 

jared: what do girls even like

wheres my phone: maybe a kpop album??

prada: she doesnt like kpop

jared: what about MORE WRAPPING PAPER

wheres my phone: oh my god noya no

the frogs are turning gay: clothes maybe? a new dress or something?

prada: nah she hates dresses

jared: a BOYFRIEND

prada: SHES TEN FFS

jared: PEOPLE CAN DATE AT TEN

prada: yeah look at you

jared: HEY

prada: its true 

jared: fine   
jared: girls dont want boys girls want SOI EPISODE 43

prada: BITCH IM JUST A BROKE HIGH SCHOOL BOY I HAVE LIKE 2 DOLLARS  
prada: WHAT EVEN IS THAT ANYWAY

jared: smh i cant believe you dont know what that is  
jared: oH WHAT ABOUT THE ANIMAL CROSSING SWITCH I SAW A LOT OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT

prada: I JUST SAID IM BROKE???

wheres my phone: what about a tamagotchi?  
wheres my phone: i saw a lot of girls in my class playing with them recently

prada: OH  
prada: thats a good idea actually shes been wanting one of those  
prada: omg yamagata my saviour bless u

jared: HOW CAN YOU GET A TAMAGOTCHI BUT NOT A SWITCH

prada: noya my bro  
prada: a switch is like  
prada: a billion times more expensive than a tamagotchi

jared: no it isnt

prada: ok well not a billion times but it costs a lot more  
prada: im broke but i have been saving up to get something nice for her  
prada: SO ill get the tamagotchi

jared: :....

prada: THANK YOU YAMAGATA FOR YOUR AMAZING SUGGESTION

wheres my phone: no problem!

jared: HEY I HELPED TOO

wheres my phone: :)

jared: >:(

prada: ok i think i can make it if i run to the store really quickly now  
prada: BRB

jared: ignored in my own house…… the audacity

wheres my phone: wombocombo.aud

jared: STOP

* * * * *

**22:42**

akaGAY: literally just came back from the date but i have to tell you guys what happened  
akaGAY: we went out for dinner and it was really cute and he showed me so many pictures of his cat i think i died  
akaGAY: then we had ice cream and walked around in the park for like three hours  
akaGAY: AND HE TALKED SO MUCH  
akaGAY: LIKE  
akaGAY: I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM TALK THIS MUCH EVER   
akaGAY: NOT EVEN TO THE OTHER SECOND YEARS  
akaGAY: I M DYING

birds of prey: CONGRATS DUDE

Baby: Congratulations Akagi-san!

akaGAY: THANKS  
akaGAY: IM STILL  
akaGAY: DSFSGJESLDFKM///???S’;L

jared: CALM DOWN  
jared: step one  
jared: take a deep breath  
jared: step two  
jared: DO NOT EXHALE!!!!! HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: must you meme 24/7

jared: r u really asking me that????

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: you’re right never mind forget i asked

akaGAY: ok i’m good now  
akaGAY: i think  
akaGAY: so A

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ?

birds of prey: where did he go

jared: in the meantime anyone wants to hear a joke about ghosts

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: no not really

jared: thats the spirit

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok

akaGAY: AHHHHHHHH  
akaGAY: GUYS  
akaGAY: NEW THINGS HAVE HAPPENED

Baby: What happened?

akaGAY: HE SENT ME A SELFIE OF HIM AND HIS CAT  
akaGAY: WITH KAZE’S HEAD COVERING THE BOTTOM OF HIS FACE  
akaGAY: IMSDFJ  
akaGAY: OK BUT just now  
akaGAY: we took a bunch of selfies and he even set one as my lockscreen

jared: omg #goals

akaGAY: guys i am in LOVE  
akaGAY: here is one  
akaGAY:  _Image Attached_

prada: NO WAY HE DID THE NARUTO HANDSIGN  
prada: AKAGI MARRY HIM

akaGAY: YOU THINK I DON’T WANT TO  
akaGAY: BUT I DON’T WANT TO COME OFF AS TOO DESPERATE  
akaGAY: OR SCARE HIM AWAY  
akaGAY: HE’S JUST SO PERFECT  
akaGAY: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

jared: cry

akaGAY:  _Image Attached  
_ akaGAY: already ahead of you

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: oh wow you’re in deep

akaGAY: I KNOW

birds of prey: is that mascara running down your face?

akaGAY: YES i looked so fabulous just now maybe i will send a picture  
akaGAY: but let me tell you what we did on our long walk  
akaGAY: first we just talked about regular stuff  
akaGAY: like our favourite things and gossip from school  
akaGAY: and then he showed me his blackmail folder

Baby: Blackmail?

akaGAY: oh you guys don’t know  
akaGAY: whenever anything happens during or outside of practice he’s always got his phone ready to take videos and pictures  
akaGAY: like that time the twins were arguing over their hair  
akaGAY: at first i thought he only had blackmail of the other second years  
akaGAY: but it turns out he has blackmail on EVERYONE  
akaGAY: EVEN COACH

jared: LEGEND

prada: thats some crazy shit right there  
prada: so he has blackmail of you too??

akaGAY: YEAH  
akaGAY: i was kinda pissed at first because he had a lot of stupid pictures  
akaGAY: but then i saw some that were just normal pictures  
akaGAY: so i asked him about it AND HE JUST SAID  
akaGAY: i like your face  
akaGAY: AND SMILED

birds of prey: WHAT

jared: BIG DICK ENERGY

akaGAY: RIGHT THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT SO TOO

Baby: What did you do?

akaGAY: well i kinda tried to flirt back  
akaGAY: i said i liked his face too

prada: wow!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: creative much

akaGAY: it was all i could think of in that moment ok  
akaGAY: tbh i was just staring at his eyes they are so goddamn pretty

jared: gay

akaGAY: YOU ARE GAY

jared: yes

birds of prey: noya shut up let akagi finish

jared: k fine

akaGAY: thank you komi  
akaGAY: anyway as i was saying  
akaGAY: i said that to him and he just replied “too bad it’s mine so you can’t have it”

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: LMAO WHAT A KING

akaGAY: I SWEAR IF I HAD THE PICTURE OF THE DAFUQ GUY I WOULD HAVE SHOWED IT TO HIM  
akaGAY: BUT THEN HE TOOK MY PHONE AND TOOK A SELFIE AND SAID “but you can have this” AND SMILED AGAIN

prada: YOU CAN SMIIIIIIIILE AGAIN

akaGAY: ASFJHDSKJHFADG

birds of prey: HOW IS HE SO SMOOTH

jared: WAS IT THE ONE YOU SENT EARLIER

akaGAY: NO IT WAS A DIFFERENT ONE  
akaGAY: HE TOOK SO MANY AFTERWARDS  
akaGAY: AND OF ME TOO

jared: SEND

akaGAY: there’s a lot of them though  
akaGAY: wait actually are you guys free to call  
akaGAY: i can turn on my video and show them to you  
akaGAY: I ALSO GOT A VIDEO OF HIM DOING SOME NARUTO HANDSIGN THING  
akaGAY: WATER BULLET OR SOMETHING

prada: WATER DRAGON BULLET  
prada: KAKASHI VS ZABUZA  
prada: I CANTBELIVE  
prada: YOU HAVE TO SHOW USE THE VIDEO

akaGAY: I WILL I WILL  
akaGAY: CAN WE CALL

Baby: Sure!

jared: HECK YEAH

prada: YES I WANT TO SEE HIM DO THE HANDSIGNS

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i don’t mind

birds of prey: yeah i'm free let's do it!!

akaGAY: OK SWEET

**_lithium boron erbium oxygen is now calling…_ **

* * * * *

**_Call ended 01:24 duration 2h 19m 52s_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CANT WAIT FOR EPISODE 14 NEXT WEEK AHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> ok thought i'd just add this because i found it funny: when yamagata send the wombocombo audio file it's in .aud which is the audacity file format :))


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its me again

**02:31**

jared: EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECRO BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXY’S MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING. THEN I LIFT

* * * * *

**07:11**

akaGAY: that’s nice

* * * * *

**12:56**

prada: wait guys  
prada: whos coming over tomorrow to wrap my sisters room

jared: ME

h2o: me too!  
h2o: only yamagata-san and sakunami are left because i’m pretty sure the others can’t make it to miyagi

wheres my phone: i’ve got practice for the whole day tomorrow so i won’t be able to make it, sorry

prada: its ok!  
prada: @ the frogs are turning gay do you want to come?

the frogs are turning gay: oh i can’t sorry  
the frogs are turning gay: i’ve got a thing with kogane tomorrow

prada: oh ok  
prada: enjoy yourself!

the frogs are turning gay: thanks tsuchiyu-san

h2o: oh yeah how’s everything going with him?

the frogs are turning gay: it’s all good actually  
the frogs are turning gay: we talked a lot after that day  
the frogs are turning gay: then i realised that i’m not really comfortable with being romantic and all   
the frogs are turning gay: but i don’t really mind physical affection if it’s him  
the frogs are turning gay: so we’re not exactly dating but are closer than regular friends i guess

h2o: queerplatonic partners?

the frogs are turning gay: maybe  
the frogs are turning gay: i don’t care for labels

h2o: ah ok

the frogs are turning gay: i’m happy that i could find someone like him though  
the frogs are turning gay: this whole time he’s been really patient and chill about everything  
the frogs are turning gay: he even did some research on his own to understand me better

h2o: that’s great sakunami!  
h2o: i’m happy that you could figure everything out in the end

the frogs are turning gay: me too

h2o: also, if you ever need to talk about something more private you can always message me

the frogs are turning gay: thank you watari-san  
the frogs are turning gay: you’re too nice

h2o: not really  
h2o: it’s just that i had to figure everything out on my own without anyone to tell me anything  
h2o: so i want to be here to help in whatever ways i can

the frogs are turning gay: i’ll be sure to come to you if i ever need anything then  
the frogs are turning gay: thanks a lot for offering :)

h2o: no problem  
h2o: have fun tomorrow!!

the frogs are turning gay: i will!

* * * * *

**12:34**

prada: so  
prada: today  
prada: our  
prada: team  
prada: had  
prada: an  
prada: eboy  
prada: challenge

akaGAY: can you type properly

prada: no

akaGAY: bitch

prada: no u

akaGAY: Screencapped and emailed to my lawyer. She will have filed charges by tomorrow afternoon. By law We must allow you 48 hours to remove the offending material. If not, you will be charged with defamation of character, libel, and criminal mischief, all misdemeanors. You will face a judge trial. Don’t think you won’t be found either. That email with the cap also includes your Dox, which will not be shared publicly. I’ve also forwarded this material to the local FBI field office. They take false accusations of pedophilia VERY seriously. Especially when your uncle is a high ranking Homicide Detective with good friends in the FBI, the US Marshals Office, and the NSA.

prada: ok fine  
prada: we were doing an eboy challenge

human espresso: what’s that?

prada: well there were some people in our team who didn't know what an eboy was  
prada: so terushima decided that he would make them dress up as whatever they thought an eboy was without telling them anything  
prada: and they had to go to the store to get things they thought were what an eboy would wear

human espresso: they were willing to spend money for something like this?

prada: no they used terushimas card because he's rich and he wanted them to do it LOL

akaGAY: wait that sounds like a good idea maybe i can get our team to do it too  
akaGAY: although shinsuke will probably get mad at me

prada: YOU SHOULD TRY IT WAS SO MUCH FUN

akaGAY: MAYBE I WILL  
akaGAY: so how did it go

prada: me, terushima, and our manager were the judges  
prada: and numajiri, bobata, and futamata dressed up because they were the only ones who were willing to do it

human espresso: wow how did you get your manager to participate too

prada: SHE WANTED TO JUDGE THEM  
prada: she thought it would be fun AND IT WAS  
prada: well more funny than fun  
prada: numajiri used a lot of foundation or whatever that powdery stuff is  
prada: then he made his eyebrows really high and used eyeliner on his lips  
prada: HE LOOKED LIKE A CLOWN  
prada: bobata did sick wings on his eyes and even put lashes  
prada: he was the closest to an actual eboy

akaGAY: DO YOU HAVE PICS  
akaGAY: I WANT TO SEE HOW THEY LOOK

prada: OK WAIT  
prada: _Image Attached  
_ prada: _Image Attached_

akaGAY: WHY IS THERE AN E ON HIS FACE

prada: “to let people know that its an E boy” IS WHAT HE SAID

akaGAY: HES EVEN WEARING A DRESS  
akaGAY: WHO IS THAT  
akaGAY: BOBATA???

prada: YEAH HE GOT A RANDOM DRESS THAT WAS ON SALE AND IT ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD

human espresso: there were three who did this right?  
human espresso: what about the last one?

prada: FUTAMATA  
prada: ABSOLUTE LEGEND

akaGAY: DID HE SLAY IT

prada: depends  
prada: it is either 0 or 100 there is no in between

akaGAY: SEND PICS

prada:  _ Image Attached _

human espresso: oh my god  
human espresso: is that the gmail logo

prada: YES  
prada: he said  
prada: and i quote  
prada: “i’m sick of eboys. eboys are so last century. emails are the future”

akaGAY: HIS MIND  
akaGAY: WHAT IS HE EVEN WEARING

prada: I THINK IT WAS A CURTAIN ON A RAIL

akaGAY: wow  
akaGAY: that is so amazing  
akaGAY: i’m speechless  
akaGAY: he is all i aspire to be

human espresso: you want to be a curtain?

akaGAY: that works too

prada: oh and thats not all  
prada: we were rating all of them from 0 to 10 based on how close they were to the actual thing  
prada: or it was supposed to be like that  
prada: but our manager scored based on whether she liked the outfit or not  
prada: she gave numajiri a 4 because he used to much powder and bobata got 6 because she liked his eyeliner

human espresso: oh man did she give futamata a 0 then

prada: NO  
prada: HE GOT 10

akaGAY: HOW

prada: SHE DIDNT KNOW WHAT AN EBOY WAS BUT SHE KNOWS WHAT EMAILS ARE SO SHE GAVE HIM A 10  
prada: AND BECAUSE OF THAT HE ACTUALLY WON

akaGAY: SERIOUSLY

prada: YES

human espresso: this guy is a genius

prada: RIGHT

akaGAY: i stan him  
akaGAY: how can one man have so much power

prada: i told him u said that then he said thanks and winked

akaGAY: CLUTCHES HEART

human espresso: so what did he get for winning?

prada: bragging rights idk

akaGAY: WAS THERE NO PRIZE

prada: no we just did this for fun

akaGAY: HE DESERVES SOMETHING MORE

human espresso: i agree, he should get something for winning the eboy challenge dressed as an email

prada: hmmmm  
prada: mmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
prada: ok ur right he should  
prada: I KNOW ILL GET THE TEAM TO SING ALL STAR FOR HIM

akaGAY: YES  
akaGAY: THAT’S A GREAT IDEA

human espresso: take a video i want to see your team in action

prada: SURE  
prada: ILL TELL THEM NOW

human espresso: have fun!

akaGAY: DON'T FORGET THE VIDEO

prada: I WONT

* * * * *

**15:16**

jared: HELP  
jared:  _ Image Attached   
_ jared: how do u do this

akaGAY: with your hands

jared: i tried didnt work

akaGAY: ok so you have concentrated copper ii chloride

jared: tasty

akaGAY: why

jared: why not

akaGAY: ok  
akaGAY: your electrodes are platinum so they’re inert

jared: whats that

akaGAY: do you not pay attention in class

jared: u think i pay attention in class???  
jared: me?????????

akaGAY: well i hope you do

jared: ur right  
jared: i do but  
jared: the teacher goes too fast i cant keep up   
jared: and chikara was busy today so he couldnt help us study

akaGAY: chikara?

jared: the guy we threw the birthday party for  
jared: with 420 balloons

akaGAY: oh that guy  
akaGAY: he deserves an award or something for being able to put up with you

jared: HEY

akaGAY: just kidding  
akaGAY: anyway  
akaGAY: since your electrodes are inert, they won’t react with the electrolyte

jared: thats the cucl2 right

akaGAY: yup  
akaGAY: since the electrolyte is in aqueous form, the ions are cu2+, h+, oh- and cl-  
akaGAY: the negative electrode attracts the copper and hydrogen ions  
akaGAY: which one gets discharged?

jared: uhhh  
jared: uhhhhhhhh  
jared: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

akaGAY: it’s copper

jared: OH

akaGAY: do you know why?

jared: wait   
jared: OH BECAUSE  
jared: copper is below hydrogen in the metal reactivity series  
jared: so it gets discharged more easily?

akaGAY: gains electrons more easily but yes the idea is there good job

jared: yay

akaGAY: ok next the positive electrode  
akaGAY: aka my favourite album

jared: album???

akaGAY: never mind  
akaGAY: it’s positive so it attracts the chloride and hydroxide ions  
akaGAY: what gets discharged there

jared: chloride

akaGAY: yes correct  
akaGAY: so what is evolved

jared: POKEMON

akaGAY: …  
akaGAY: bye

jared: NO WAIT  
jared: CHLORINE GAS

akaGAY: yes very good

jared: YAY OK THANKS

akaGAY: now pay me 5000yen for my service

jared: no

akaGAY: wow ok

jared: but i can buy u food

akaGAY: you are literally in miyagi how are you going to buy me food

jared: i can order online and deliver it to u  
jared: morisuke sometimes does that for me  
jared: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

akaGAY: oh that’s smart i didn’t think of that  
akaGAY: but it’s ok i was just kidding you don’t have to get me anything

jared: ARE YOU SURE

akaGAY: yeah it’s fine really  
akaGAY: WAIT GTG SUNA WANTS TO SKYPE

jared: GOOD LUCK EAT ASS

akaGAY: THANKS

* * * * *

**17:32**

prada:  _ Video Attached _

Baby: Is that all star?

prada: YEAH WE SANG IT FOR FUTAMATA BECAUSE HE WON THE EBOY CHALLENGE

Baby: Oh you even harmonised in the chorus  
Baby: It’s really good!

prada: THANKS WE WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT

* * * * *

**20:53**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: who wants a riddle

birds of prey: me

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: pete and repeat were on a boat. pete fell off. who was left?

birds of prey: repeat

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: pete and repeat were on a boat. pete fell off. who was left?

birds of prey: i said repeat

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i mean if you say so

birds of prey: no what

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: pete and repeat were on a boat. pete fell off. who was left?

birds of prey: REPEAT

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: ok ok you don’t have to shout at me  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: pete and repeat were on a boat. pete fell off. who was left?

birds of prey: REPEAT WAS LEFT

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: correct :)

birds of prey: I HATE YOU

* * * * *

**03:10**

the frogs are turning gay: when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out, because thats what was inside

* * * * *

**08:02**

wheres my phone: sakunami why

the frogs are turning gay: noya-san was right it is really fun to send cryptic messages in the middle of the night with no context

wheres my phone: why are you awake its only 8 you sent that at 3  
wheres my phone: did you sleep???

the frogs are turning gay: time isn’t real

wheres my phone: not that again

* * * * *

**14:37**

jared: yo prada im about to leave whats your street name again

prada: lil tsuchiyu

jared: u live on a street named lil tsuchiyu?? 

prada: oh you mean my address

jared: i hate you

prada: [Address]  
prada: CANT WAIT TO SEE U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today i bought the first two jjk volumes in japanese i have not actually read the english version yet so i will see how much i actually understand when i read it tomorrow  
> anyway  
> positive electrode = anode, if you get it i love you  
> and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KKAvydLZVY&t=873s)  
> is the original eboy challenge video


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back after like a month SORRY  
> but there is yakunoya at the end so :D

**14:46**

prada: @jared @h2o  where are you guys

h2o: i’ll be there in about ten minutes

prada: nice ok  
prada: noya what about you

jared: im near

prada: how near

jared: near  
jared: far  
jared: wherEVER YOU ARE

prada: k

jared: I SEE YOUR HOUSE  
jared: I THINK

prada: im standing at the door in a yellow shirt u wont miss me

jared: OK

* * * * *

**05:58**

jared:  Video attached  
jared: YOOOOOOO   
jared: LOOK AT THIS  
jared: WE FINALLY GOT IT DOWN AFTER LIKE AN HOUR

wheres my phone: did  
wheres my phone: did you guys really do a bottle flip on watari’s head

prada: YES  
prada: ISNT IT COOL 

wheres my phone: actually yeah that was pretty cool

jared: IT WAS COOL AS HELL  
jared: WATARI IS SO AWESOME HE CAN STAY STILL FOR SO LONG

h2o: yes my special talent is staying still

birds of prey: FISH YOOOOOOO

jared: FISH YOOOOOOOOO

birds of prey: THAT’S SO FUCKN  
birds of prey: I HAVE TO TRY THAT ON SOMEONE  
birds of prey: MAYBE I CAN CONVINCE ONAGA TO LET ME

prada: OK BYE WE NEED TO GO  
prada: AND WRAP MY SISTERS ROOM

wheres my phone: don’t hurt yourselves!

birds of prey: HAVE FUN  
birds of prey: TAKE PICS

* * * * *

**20:34**

prada:  Image Attached  
prada: noya drinks water like people down beer i cant believe this

jared: HEY  
jared: WATER IS GOOD FOR YOU  
jared: FOR YOUR SKIN AND BRAIN AND BODY  
jared: and BONES

prada: its so PLAIN  
prada: theres lit rally no flavour 

jared: OF COURSE THERES FLAVOUR IN WATER  
jared: only BIG BRAIN PEOPLE WHO DRINK ENOUGH PLAIN WATER CAN TELL

prada: SEE YOU JUST SAID IT YOURSELF  
prada: PLAIN WATER  
prada: ITS PLAIN BECAUSE THERES NO FLAVOUR

jared: NO

jared: THERE IS TASTE  
jared: PLAIN WATER HAS TASTE AND IT DEPENDS ON THE BRAND AND TEMPERATURE  
jared: ONLY PEOPLE WITH REFINED PLATELETS CAN TELL

akaGAY: dont’t you mean palates

jared: SAME THING

akaGAY: why are you guys fighting in the group chat anyway aren’t you beside each other or something

prada: yeah but its more fun this way

jared: what he said

akaGAY: ok then  
akaGAY: oh yeah tsuchiyu how did you sister react to the presents

jared: SHE LOVED IT

h2o: she took one step into the room and said “thanks i hate it”

akaGAY: LMAO

prada: WAIT HERE  
prada:  Video Attached 

akaGAY: dude your sister is so cool  
akaGAY: tell her i said happy birthday

prada: she said “birth is a social construct but thanks”

akaGAY: SHE IS AMAZING  
akaGAY: if only i had a sister as cool as her  
akaGAY: not that my sister isn’t cool BUT

prada: she is very savage at times  
prada: but she is also very sweet and hugged me when she finally found the present which was very poggers

akaGAY: AW

jared: Image Attached  
jared: #SIBLINGGOALS  
jared: k bye gotta blast watari came back from pissing we r gonna play csgo

akaGAY: CAN I PLAY CS WITH YOU GUYS

jared: NO SCRUB

akaGAY: WTF RUDE 

jared: GET REKT 

* * * * *

**21:08**

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i am having what the kids call a BAD TIME

toyotaMOM: What happened?

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: MY ROOMMATE JUST SLAPPED ME

toyotaMOM: Oh no

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: HE DREW A MOSQUITO ON HIS HAND AND SLAPPED ME AND SAID there's a mosquito on your face  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: I WANTED TO SLAP HIM BACK BUT HE RAN AWAY and tbh i’m too lazy to chase him  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: i’m going to EAT all his chips instead

toyotaMOM: That reminds me of our first group call when you kept crunching chips into the mic

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: OH GOOD IDEA

toyotaMOM: ?

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: I SHOULD SEND A RECORDING OF THAT

toyotaMOM: Please don’t

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING: TOO LATE  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING:  eatingchips.mp3 

toyotaMOM: Damn.

* * * * *

Chat: jared and human espresso

**22:11**

jared: morisukeeeeee

human espresso: hey yuu, what’s up?

jared: idk i missed you  
jared: i was talking about u to watari and tsuchiyu just now and felt like talking to you

human espresso: aww that’s sweet <3

jared: <3

human espresso: what did you tell them?

jared: they wanted to know how we got together and stuff like that

jared: so i told them how we met at and me asking u out and that conversation about how we r still in high school and that these things might not last so theres no pressure and that we have to be very open and communicate properly about our feelings  
jared: and i thought of u a lot after that  
jared: i miss seeing you :(

human espresso: i miss you too, yuu  
human espresso: it’s hard not being able to be with you  
human espresso: also on the topic of communication   
human espresso: if you ever feel uncomfortable or need a break please tell me  
human espresso: i’m not saying i'd give you up so easily or that what we have isn't important, but you're more important than anything else and if you ever need some space or time away from this  
human espresso: we’ll work something out  
human espresso: i don't want to be something that's tying you down or preventing you from doing something you love

jared: MORISUKE ;-;  
jared: how can u hold me back when you are the thing i love????

human espresso: yuu please don’t do this to my heart

jared: ITS TRUE i love u lots morisuke  
jared: ure the best thing thats happened to me  
jared: i love everything about u and being with you makes me so happy

human espresso: the same goes for me, yuu  
human espresso: you never fail to amaze me and i always feel better whenever i talk to you  
human espresso: the next time we meet i’m going to give you the biggest hug

jared: AHHHHHHHH MORISUKE  
jared: I WANT TO HUG U RIGHT NOW  
jared:  Image Attached 

human espresso: you’re cute

jared: NO U

human espresso: not possible

jared: UR CUTER!!!!!!!!

human espresso: you can’t argue with the facts :)

jared: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
jared: k i kinda need to go i think my mums gonna check on me and if she finds out im still awake shes gonna kill me

human espresso: yeah i have to go now too

jared: night night morisuke!!!

human espresso: good night yuu

human espresso: sleep well

jared: ILY

human espresso: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my heart. can you believe how wholesome yakunoya is???? me neither  
> also noya is me i drink a shit ton of water and basically nothing else lol. water >>>>>>


End file.
